If I ran this like a business, right here is where you’d fork over a buck or two to compensate me for what you’re abiut to enjoy. Just sayin’ …'
I used to tell my daughters that today could be the day they’ll say hello to the boy or girl who is destined to become the best friend in their entire lives, for the rest of their lives. That’s the beauty of the first day of school. And it could happen. It coulc happen to you, too. You just never know. The world’s crazy like that. It’s crazy in a lot of ways. It’s a pity all of them aren’t so benign.
It was Def Poetry Jam in Mr. Rogers Neighborhood Sunday! I was asked to write a poem about Doc Giffin for Doc Giffin Day in Latrobe. Doc was Arnold Palmer’s best friend and most trusted assistant for more than 50 years. Understand, no one has ever asked me to write anything poetic. But my poem was very well received so what choice do I have but to now become a poet, thus plunging me deeper into self-inflicted poverty and the smug conviction that against all odds I am going to be the one to make money in poetry. Here’s me reading the poem.
Back to School!
• Relax. It’s perfectly normal to start thinking about the kids going back to school before they’re even out for the summer. It doesn’t make you a bad parent and someday they’ll understand.
• Speculate if future high school history robots will think their human predecessors were plucky or just victims of poor design.
• Inflate your high school SAT scores to preposterous levels. Tell people you scored 1775. When they point out it’s impossible to score more than 1600, make up a brilliant lie to justify the impossibility.
• The abundance of today's school activities for our daughters coupled with my habitual days of hooky means I'm now spending more time in high school than when I was in high school.
• I’d like to have been a fly on the wall to hear what His high school guidance counselor said when the teenage Jesus told him God said He was going to be the Savior.
• I used to pretend I was too sick to go to school. Now, I pretend I'm not hungover nights after I swore to wife I wouldn't drink too much.
• Told daughter if she thinks I look embarrassing in my dad jeans I'll just next time pick her up at school wearing my dad speedo.
• Facebook is like what happens in junior high school classes when the teacher leaves the room to sneak a smoke.
• Godspell” is a popular theatrical production. “Spell God” is a statement that will get public school teachers into trouble with the ACLU.
Randoms…
• I'm opposed to spanking but whenever I hear a father say this is gonna hurt me worse than it hurts you I think he needs to spank harder.
• Scientists who declare matter cannot be created nor destroyed have never observed a bar of soap in a shower.
• I wonder if when surprised by something on-line Satan worshippers instinctively type, "OMD!"
• I dreamed last night I was Chris Rock and slept funny.
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com