"CRAYONS!" Christmas humor ...
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Christmas post of the week (from ’10), “Bah Humbug to bah, humbug.”
I’m in the home stretch of my return to professorship at Point Park University in Pittsburgh. For tomorrow’s class I’ve told them to convene in the lobby of the grand Westin William Penn Hotel. Their assignment? Find the Spirit of Christmas and write about in a way powerful enough to demolish any seasonal gloom the reader (or grader) may be feeling. Don’t you wish you’d taken my class?
These Christmas jokes may sound familiar to anyone in my circle. That’s probably because I find some excuse to tell them nearly year-round. I crack myself up. Honest!
Christmas Humor
• I’m putting together a troupe of tiny side-burned toymakers to head to Vegas and sing, "Jailhouse Rock," "Burnin' Love," etc. "Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Elves Presley!”
• Q: What does it mean when you hear, "Hoot! Hoot!" coming from a nearby tree this time of year?
A: Owl be home for Christmas.
• Knock knock.
Who's there?
Javier.
Javier who?
Javier-self a Merry little Christmas!
• Q:What should they call those of us who prefer real, live Christmas trees to artificials?
A: Saps!
• The '17 death of Nana always hits particularly hard this time of year. Her death means I can no longer startle the kids by running into the room and somberly announcing, "I hate to be the one to tell you this … but I have terrible news. Grandma (sniff) got run over (sniff) by a reindeer! (wails)”
Related …
• Having a bad day? Try humming in your head the Vince Guaraldi piano riff from the Charlie Brown Christmas special. Works every time.
• Every Christmas, be sure to shout “Blucher!” moments before you hear the horse whinny on “Sleigh Ride.”
• Ask children if they believe it ever bothered Jesus His birthday was the same day as Christmas.
• The Christmas season inspires so many questions: Was the virgin birth real? Is Jesus the true son of God? Will there ever be peace on Earth? I have a question: How did Charlie Brown ever get that sweater over his huge bulbous head?
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