"Crayons!" dogs & dog days
Dog Days
• Related posts
“The dog that turned me into a cat person” (from ’20)
“The skinny on bomb implants” (from ’11)
“Santorum’s right: Man marrying dog in Wisconsin” (from ’11)
Buy! Read! Review! “Evan & Elle in Heaven & Hell”
Dogs & Dog Days
• Colorful Conversation Starter: Tell people the dog that played Toto in “The Wizard of Oz” was, in fact, named Toto. Ask people if they think it was coincidence or just really expert casting.
• Tell people the only time bitch, bitch, bitch ever turns into something positive is when you’re running a thriving dog grooming business.
• Tell friends you’ve figured out a surefire way to become famous: teach your dog how to sing/bark “I Want You to Want Me.” Congratulations! You’ve taught an old dog Cheap Trick!
• Tell dog owners impatient for their pets to become true watch dogs: All it takes is time.
• The only way curmudgeonly old dogs could be more lovable is if they succumbed to male pattern baldness.
• I’m surprised dogs don’t try and leap through the TV whenever they see commercials for things like Hot Pockets.
• I wonder what goes through the dog's mind when he sees me alone in a quiet room frantically looking for the remote.
• I'm trying to persuade daughters to rename our annoying little yip dog Peeve, so I can with all honesty say, "And this dog is my pet Peeve.”
• I’d like to hear a canine translation of what dogs say to other dogs when they discuss how humans package food. "So she left this box of Pop Tarts on the table. I jump right up there, but the Pop Tarts are wrapped in foil that's inside pressed cardboard. I was so pissed. I mean, what do you do if you need a Pop Tart, like, right away?”
Randoms …
• As long as there are bugs/heat/noise, eating outside will always be overrated. In fact, outside is the reason man invented inside.
• My soul aches for those who live under tyranny, but I feel even worse for those who reside in places so remote they can't get decent pizza.
• I’d like to see a rock game show with Mick & Bruce that asks, "Who can say, 'Are you ready to rock?'" in most foreign languages.
• I’m such a reflexive pacifist the only thing I instinctively kill is time.
• I’m petitioning to get the town name changed to Thebutt because it'd be funny to hear newscasters say, "A man was shot in TheButt.”
Thanks to those of you who recently showed your support for by sending cash or the equivalent to me at PayPal, Venmo, 874 Solomon Temple Rd., Latrobe, Pa, 15650). All my books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com