Today’s theme:
Truckin’/Drivin’
Colorful Living Tip of the Day …
• Make taking the high road such a habit confused strangers along the way ask you for directions.
What happened during the 5 minutes before I went live on-air with an audience of 1.5 million truckers (with audio clip at end)
The phone rang at the designated time. It was the producer for the Road Dog Trucker Sirius Satellite Radio Show. They reach about 1.5 million truckers each day. They asked me to be on Saturday to tell Fred Rogers/Latrobe neighborhood stories.
I don’t think people are aware, but I get very nervous prior to a high profile guest spot like this one.
What if I say something that might offend the truckers? What if one of my jokes misfires and the truckers decide to unilaterally strike? What if that leads to national ruin and the severing of all my professional prospects?
Worse, what if my wife decides to listen and I say something about her that leads to personal ruin and the severing of something dearer to me than professional prospects?
I was grateful for the five minute off-air banter that would precede going live. It would allow us to get a feel for one another and critically for me to learn the ground rules. Are certain risque jokes permissible? Would it be a bad idea to devote my air time to bashing the PennDOT bandits who set the ever-escalating turnpike tolls?
After a jiffy round of introductions, host Jimmy Mac said, “Okay, there’s one thing you need to know. It’s essential that you — ”
And the phone went dead.
That I what? Stifle my belches? Mention a sponsor? Conclude with a prayer to St. Christopher, the patron saint of truck drivers?
Now, on top of all my other anxieties, I now have equipment concerns: Is my phone failing? Do I call them back? And what is that one essential thing?
Finally, the phone rang. It was the show producer. There was frantic urgency in her voice. “You’re on in 12 seconds!!!”
Here’s the clip from my 24-minute segment.
Recent video! The true story of what happened the day Mister Rogers went to rehab
Related …
• Talk like a CB-radio-jawing trucker every time you take a long road trip. Say things to your passengers like, “Breaker, breaker, one-niner, what’s your twenty?” If you need to brush up on CB talk, rent the great Burt Reynolds and Jackie Gleason movie, “Smokey and the Bandit.” It’s hilarious.
• Urge lawmakers that people convicted of road rage offenses be sentenced to master, and when possible go from here to there, via tap dance.
• Confide to people you’d take the high road more often but you always get hassled by cops whenever they see a car as crappy as yours in nice neighborhoods.
• You know you’ve lived in same small town too long when you realize you're personal friends with all the guys on the highway billboards.
Random sorta-relateds …
• Take the scenic route enough and in the eyes of your friends you’ll become the scenic route.
• Ask friends why the grass farmer crossed the road? Tell them he needed to get to the other sod.
Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into a dictionary) …
Panvalanche: The loud, jarring phenomenon that occurs when that evening’s meal preparer tries to remove the 13th pan from the bottom of a drawer designed to hold not more than 10. Panvalanche activity also common in sinks stacked with too many dirty dishes.
Oddly enough (stories from my story treasure chest) …
Gruhn Guitar: Where rock Gods go to Shop
When carpenters need hammers they go to Lowe’s. When rock’s royalty need their trade goods, they go to George Gruhn. His customers have included Tom Petty, Eric Clapton, Bruce Springsteen, George Harrison and Johnnie Cash. What you won’t find anywhere in the immaculate showroom or any of the three inner sanctum floors above it, accessible only by “Get Smart” password-protected elevators, are pictures of Gruhn mugging with any of the legends whose swaggering pictures have adorned the bedroom walls of millions of adolescents, not to mention gold-record album covers.
Read full story here ...
Concluding words …
Sign off your letters with something distinctive. Instead of “Regards,” or “Sincerely,” try something like, “Keep on truckin’!”
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com