Thanks to my friends at the South Park Twp. Library for having me in to talk about Evan, Elle, Heaven & Hell. Great discussion! Thanks to the sweet woman who introduced herself as a reader of this newsletter. Sorry I didn’t get your name in the ensuing hubbub. Feel free to reach out and say howdy!
Thanks to my friends at the Ohio County Public Library in Wheeling for scheduling me to come in Nov. 8 to once again be the featured speaker for the popular “Lunch with Authors” Series.
Thanks to my friends at the Pittsburgh chapter of Meeting Planners International for scheduling me for Nov. 9 to talk about “Fred Rogers & The Art of Being Defiantly Kind.”
And thank you, dear reader, for buying my books, supporting my newsletter and chipping in with in-kind donations. Need an entertaining speaker. I just might be your guy.
Amazon just logged my 20th-out-of-20 5-star review of “Evan & Elle.” That’s battin’ 1.000. Thanks, Paul!
Today’s topic is the NFL. I don’t think anyone’s done more than me to correct the misguided, anti-social positions of the craven greed-meisters who oversee the parallel universe that is the NFL
Related post #1 … "Cheering for a devil of an NFL celebration”
Related post #2 … “Solution to NFL over-officiating: armless linemen!”
Related post #3 … “NFL not rich enough: Needs throwforward jerseys”
The NFL
• Argue the NFL should next year skip Super Bowl halftime shows and instead partner with a big drug company to issue every American hallucinogenic pills that last precisely 32 minutes.
• In honor of preposterous NFL Super Bowl custom, give your phone number in Roman numerals. Mine’s DCCXXIV CMLXI MMDLVIII. Call me!
• Confound politically savvy friends by asking if the Electoral College has a football team.
• We’re so used to them being linked in Biblical sinfulness but Sodom and Gomorrah were two wicked cities. They must have been fierce rivals. Imagine having to ref a high school football game between Sodom and Gomorrah. Talk about having to throw out the rule book.
• The cumulative weight of the '78 Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers starting offensive line was 1,277 pounds. The five starters in those same positions today weigh 1,604 pounds. Somewhere in this calculation is a solution to world hunger.
• When Mandela said we need to stop hating everyone he wasn't including Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, was he? No way, right?
• Super Bowl prediction: Carolina 54, Denver 31. Not the score. That's my prediction of the high temps in each town at kickoff.
• As a fan of irony, I'd like to see Roger Goodell announce a face-saving compromise and Brady be so happy he hugs him till his balls deflate
• Saw an incongruous scene at Steeler game. Native American Indians in ceremonial dress dancing at scoreboard pavilion. #Yinzdians?
• The greatest public misnomer involves announcers addressing crowds at things like NFL games as "Ladies and gentlemen." At any game of about 60,000 fans, there are probably no more than 120 ladies and 50 true gents. If they cared at all about accuracy, they'd say, "Welcome bitches, dudes and garden variety blowhards!”
Randoms
• If mirrors had souls, you can rest assured they'd be reflective.
• I wonder if they teach asspiring proctological students to be rude and insulting. I mean, ripping folks a new one is an easy, hands-off way to double your business.
• Realizing a crucial part of my morning routine is a mess of inefficiency. Takes me FOREVER to get dressed. I think the problem is my superstition that it's bad luck if I don't put my socks on last. This is especially troublesome on the days I wear shoes.
• Some Covid vaccine must be preserved at minus-90 degree Fahrenheit. I stepped outside this morning and thought, "Yep, we're just about there …"
• What if one of the unforeseen vax side effects turns out to be that recipients become more empathetic, tolerant & appreciative of their fellow man? How many would refuse on grounds they prefer being miserable bastards?
• The assumption may be based on a flawed premise, but I have to believe if Moses had had to deal with fan selfie demands today we'd only be concerned with The Five Commandments.
Thanks to those of you who recently showed your support by sending cash or the equivalent to me at PayPal, Venmo, 874 Solomon Temple Rd., Latrobe, Pa, 15650).
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com