If I charged you $1 for every smile/$5 for every lol, how much will you owe me by the end of today’s newsletter? I think you’ll find $5 a month/$50 a year/$200 lifetime is a …
Today’s theme: Steal
Colorful Living Tip of the Day …
• Ruthlessly haggle over prices at yard sales. If it’s for sale for $50, offer $4. If it’s going for a $1, tell them you’ll pay a nickel. Don’t do it to be cheap. Do it for the thrill of the bargain.
Related …
• How sizable would the yard sale be if you had access to all the stuff enemies through-out your life told you you could shove up your ass?
• Make sure your idea of a splurge means something more than taking your significant other to a place that does not have the robber-height tape on all the door frames.
• As a way of both meeting potentially friendly ETs & getting while getting's good, I propose Earth erect a really big For Sale sign.
• World’s greatest sales people must work for Spam. Think of the intrinsic hurdles they must overcome just to get calls/e-mails returned.
• Practice bargain artistry: Draw a little stick figure cartoon of Derek Jeter so you can say you’ve fashioned a dandy Yankee doodle.
Random unrelateds …
• You’d have to think Danish Haz-Mat teams would eventually lose their edge from responding to too many there's-something-rotten-in-Denmark false alarms.
• Ask a shoe salesperson if he or she would be criticized or praised for audaciously telling potential customers to “just stuff a sock in it.”
• Understand that as a general rule 50 percent of the women and 80 percent of the men we encounter in our daily lives are simply older, less cheerful versions of the juvenile spastic morons we all were in high school. Proceed accordingly.
PGA Tour at Arnold Palmer’s Bay Hill this week. Here’s a 2018 video of me detailing how Palmer was such a competitor he felt obliged to challenge rival Gary Player over bacon consumption.
Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into a dictionary) …
Panvalanche: The loud, jarring phenomenon that occurs when that evening’s meal preparer tries to remove the 13th pan from the bottom of a drawer designed to hold not more than 10. Panvalanche activity also common in sinks stacked with too many dirty dishes.
They want me back on! Sirius XM Road Dog Trucker, ch. 146, has already been in touch about having me back on in April, this time to tell my Arnold Palmer stories. Here’s the 24-minute audio from my first appearance on Saturday …
Today’s featured blog post …
Kansas bank robber would rather go to prison than stay married (from ’16)
A 70-year-old Kansas City man who told police he robbed a bank because he thought he’d prefer prison to marriage will likely get his wish. I guess Lawrence John Ripple, whose record is otherwise spotless, will refuse lenient house arrest. It’s an interesting case. Ripple angrily wrote the terse robbery note — “I have a gun, give me money” — right in front of his wife. He then drove to a bank that was on the same block as the city police HQ. He gave the teller the note, took $2,924 in cash and then sat down on a bench right there in the bank lobby. When police arrived, he said, “I’m the guy you’re looking for.”
(read full story right here)
Gratuitous movie moment #1
I was sipping my bourbon (Wild Turkey) at Flappers when I overheard the bartender tell the waitress he was making her an Old Fashioned. I exclaimed, “An Old Fashioned? What if somethin’ happens!” When he didn’t blurt out the proper response, I sent him this clip from the 1963 star-studded screwball comedy, “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World,” one of the top 5 funniest movies I’ve ever seen.
Gratuitous movie moment #2
We all loved, “I Care A Lot,” on Netflix, a black comedy/thriller where bad things happen to mostly despicable people.
Oddly enough (stories from my story treasure chest) …
Gruhn Guitar: Where rock gods go to shop
When carpenters need hammers they go to Lowe’s. When rock’s royalty need their trade goods, they go to George Gruhn. His customers have included Tom Petty, Eric Clapton, Bruce Springsteen, George Harrison and Johnnie Cash. What you won’t find anywhere in the immaculate showroom or any of the three inner sanctum floors above it, accessible only by “Get Smart” password-protected elevators, are pictures of Gruhn mugging with any of the legends whose swaggering pictures have adorned the bedroom walls of millions of adolescents, not to mention gold-record album covers.
Read full story here ...
Concluding words …
• That which does not kill you only makes you stronger and if this process is repeated enough eventually age and time combine to make you so frail you can die in your kitchen tripping over a kitten.
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com
Okay. Time to settle up. What was your smile tally and will that be cash or credit?
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