"Crayons!" Words on Words
Starting today, I shall begin to refer to the fast food wrappers, stray receipts, old magazines, etc. that litter my vehicle interior collectively as "carbage." Not to be confused with cabbage (although I've found some that back there, too).
Words
• That twilight -- a halfway point of solar illumination -- is one of my favorite words compels me to use "twi" prefix more. "I got twidrunk last night but the missus became twihomicidal when I told her I was feelin' twihorny.
• I have read that tribes native to Arctic climes have 47 words to describe snow. I have just as many to describe farts.
• Some words have too many meanings. Like volume (a collection, bulk, strength); or record (recall, an album, etc.) & I'm not touching cock.
• My way to really stick it to the publishing industry. I'm calling my next work, "The Big Hands-On Book of Glues & Other Adhesives," so every review will have to include the words, "Could Not Put it Down!”
• I hope I never need the info, but because you just never know: what do you yell when you see a tall duck about to hit his head on a low branch and how badly confused would the hapless fowl be if you yelled, “Duck!"
• “Spare the rod, spoil the child" responsible for more Biblically-justified violence against innocents than any 6 words in history.
• Our lives are like Mad Libs where key words aren't filled in until the composition of our obituaries.
• In my endless quest to make words both simultaneously more fun AND descriptive, please join me in spelling handkerchief HONKerchief.
• Something about hearing the words “FLASH FLOOD WARNING” always sends me down to the river pantless in trench coat.
• How come sportswriters insist on referring to the vast parts of our arenas and stadium where everybody sits as the stands?
Randoms
• You can play a mean bluegrass banjo or country fiddle here on earth & it won't matter one bit. Once you get to heaven, everyone's in a soul band.
• It’s a brazen betrayal of the sturdy container's very existence but most recycling bins cannot be recycled.
• I once imagined my life would include an era of depravity where I reveled in the dark cravings of the sordid flesh. Alas, the time for such wanton behavior has passed. Today, my idea of depravity is eating ice cream before lunch in a room where my wife and kids can see me.
• Many devote their lives to the pursuit of riches and power. I'm on a quest to rid my life of envy. I fear I'll always be envious of the envy-free.
• Just once, I'd like to be in the clinic and hear the tech declare, "I'm here to draw blood!" have her don a beret, produce an easel, scribble furiously and hand me a paper with every spot covered in crimson red.
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