"Use All The Crayons!"
One of my favorite things to do is serve as word master for the Greensburg Rotary Spelling Bee. Did it again last night and once again the evening was free of controversy, scandal or parental reprisal, leading me to observe, “It’s been 10 years and I can’t believe I haven’t screwed this up yet.” Coincidentally, perhaps, I’ve said that exact same thing three times over 30 years of marriage.
Reminder: I’ll be telling my stories Saturday, May 20, 2 p.m., at Adams Memorial Library in Latrobe. The program is free and open to the public
• Ask a brainy 6-year-old to spell rule. Listen, then say, “You know my name is not Ellie, now spell rule.” Repeat.
• The science behind the theory may be flawed, but the 5-second rule is to me the greatest parenting advance in my lifetime.
• Rumors of centipede infestations have real legs.
• How you aspire to live is your bucket list. How you aspire to die is your kick the bucket list.
• I have no idea what it'll be about but because it's bound to help sales, I vow to name my next book, "The No. 1 New York Times Bestseller!
• Reports say we're now spending $200 mil/year freeze-removing fat cells. Imagine how much better off we'll be if spent same on stupid cells.
• How many additional calories would you burn each day if every time you had to change channel you had to rise from the couch and just do it?
• Our greatest frustrations stem from when we demand perfection from those incapable of providing it.
• A tornado warning is dangerous weather. A tornado watch is an inefficient timepiece whose hands spin really fast.
• When people say you think funny what they're actually saying is you think.
— (Does anybody ever read past here?) —
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