I feel like I’m cheating you if I don’t post some actual news, like I’ve let you down. Oh, don’t worry. I get over it mighty quick.
Have another great weekend. I like having two weekends a week!
699: “Contend that until all insects respect a 5-foot zone of privacy, summer’s always going to be a bit overrated.”
• 700: “To belabor the above point, understand outside is the reason our wise ancestors invented inside.”
• I’m convinced we could end world hunger if for just one summer USA agreed to cease all competitive eating contests.
• The inertia of summer laziness means my entire ambition this week is focused solely on finding a sensible reason to use "kowtow" in a lead.
• Was feeling bad about not taking family to the ocean this summer when I realized no biggie. Oceans are coming to us. #climatechange
• All global warming solutions are earth-centric. I propose we cool the sun. Can someone calculate just how much ice we're gonna need?
• If they made a sunscreen to ward off all life’s annoyances it would have to be about SPF 995
• It may be a vast over-simplication, but couldn’t global warming be eased if we simply moved Earth farther from the sun? I think if we synchronized our pushups on one side of the globe while everyone on the other side jumped up in the air …
• Adventure tourism will take an extreme turn when scientists perfect heat-resistant vehicles & rec gear that’ll be able to withstand the temperatures on the surface of the sun. Solar visas won’t be granted until applicant can prove he or she has requisite amount of sunscreen SPF 9.999,000,000,000,000. Warning: You might want to think twice before accepting an offer to play solar “Shirts vs. Skins” beach volleyball.
RANDOMS …
• I’d like to get a job at Tomorrowland in Disney to see just how far they'll let me push the whole procrastination angle.
• I wonder if the chariots from ancient Roman times had drink holders. Or maybe they'd yet to invent the sized lid/straw combo ...
• Just saw "Bohemian Rhapsody." My thoughts: If all the popcorn spilled at all the theaters every day in America were gathered and distributed to starving people around the world then starving people around the world would get mighty sick of popcorn.
• The greatest public misnomer involves announcers addressing crowds at things like NFL games as "Ladies and gentlemen." At any game of about 60,000 fans, there are probably no more than 120 ladies and 50 true gents. If they cared at all about accuracy, they'd say, "Welcome bitches, dudes and garden variety blowhards!"
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