"Use All The Crayons!" No. 19

Today's theme ... "Heart"

Today’s theme:


Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

Add your own spices, but the five main ingredients for any loving relationship are: play, tickle, cuddle, kiss, hug.

Sweethearts …

• Strive to be as romantic as the silver maple trees in Vermont. They can never be “too sappy.”

• With your sweetheart as a willing accomplice, sneak a bottle of wine, two glasses and a corkscrew into a long matinee.

• Never fail to include in your cards to newlyweds heartfelt congratulations and this sage advice for a long and happy marriage: “Always argue naked!”

• Always be open to romance, even when you’re tired. People who fake sleep to get out of lovin’ are bulldozers.

Heartburns …

• I believe my sweetheart would be more open to romance if I didn't insist she dump a big bucket of Gatorade over my head after every successful boink.

• A long marriage is a terrific antidote to excessive ego.

• Even if it were true, I’d never dream of telling the world Mama’s got a squeeze box she wears on her chest and when Daddy comes home he never gets no rest.

Random belated Christmas leftover …

News reports of a local home being ransacked always make me wonder if the suspect is Santa, a man who runs with sacks.

Reader letter of the week …

“I’m emailing you to let you know how you always manage to tickle my funny bone.  The mirrors theme was very cute and funny and I laughed out loud.  Your quirky humor truly makes me laugh and I appreciate your perspective on life.  I want to sign up and pay you for your monthly newsletter!” M.P., Latrobe

Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into a dictionary) …

Ernie Borgten: What we’ve all been looking for since 2012 after the great actor Ernie Borgnine, 92, finally succumbed to his mortal absolutes.

Today’s Feature Post

“Iranians Heart Valentine’s Day” (from ’12)

It’s indicative of how dangerous and misguided the Iranian regime is in that they’re permittingthe observance of a decadent Western holiday and it’s not St. Patrick’s Day. You guessed it. It’s Valentine’s Day. Let me go on record as saying I really love Valentine’s Day! I think there should be at least one day every month where couples are encouraged to express their affections with candy, flowers and poetic odes to one another. I declare that up there in the third paragraph because I’m fairly certain my darling wife never reads past the fourth. To me, Valentine’s Day’s always been fraught with coy deception. Why can’t people just be direct?

Read extended version here

Related silliness … 

Matrimonial sarcasm for Valentine’s Day

Space Capt. Mark Kelly, the heavenly hubby

Val Day post on kinkiness, 50 shades & my sex life

Oddly enough (stories from my story treasure chest) …

Which Way to most confusing town in America

In these times of tumult and upheaval, it is easy to feel bereft. But where should you go when you’re sure you’ve lost your way? You might want to start in Lake Jackson, Texas. One peek at the local map and you realize, truly, Lake Jackson’s the way to go. “We have This Way, That Way, Any Way, Circle Way, Parking Way, Winding Way and we have His Way, which runs behind a church,” says long-time city manager Bill Yenne. About 50 miles south of Houston, Lake Jackson, pop. 26,849, is to sensible civic planning what Abbott & Costello are to baseball play-by-play schtick. “It’s not uncommon to give people directions that include some variation of, ‘Take This Way three blocks and make a left on That Way until you get to Any Way,’ which invariably provokes the confused response, ‘Which way?’ Yenne says. “That’s when you have to correct them and say, “No, that would be the wrong way.’”

Read full story here

Final thought …

It sounds frontier romantic, but no one who cares about residential appearances would want to live in a home where the buffalo roam and the deer and the antelope play.

All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com

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