"Use All The Crayons!" ... Body parts
Nearing “Use All The Crayons!” podcast launch date. Paid subscribers will be receiving a link to the pilot sample shortly. In the meantime here are ,,, body parts!
• Leonardo da Vinci said, “The human foot is a masterpiece of engineering and a work of art.” Given the scope of his admirations it’s surprising his most famous work is Mona Lisa and not Mona Lisa’s feet.
• Foot Facts — The average person takes between 8,000- and 10,000 steps a day. That adds up to 115,000 miles in a lifetime — four times the circumference of the globe. Question: if for one day we all together walked toward the rising sun, could we reverse time?
• Honesty without tact is like brain surgery without anesthesia. The procedure might work, but the complications can kill.
• I know it's going to lead to trouble, but I can't resist putting lit matches under the ears of strangers & asking, "Are your ears burning?”
• I wonder how much money you have to have in your IRA before you can with a straight face say, "It's only money." I'd never insult money so cavalierly. Guaranteed, no one who's ever said, "It's only money," has ever googled how much he or she could get on the black market for a spare kidney. I'll save you the trouble: ballpark, $65,000.
• I was stuck in such a long bank line today I actually began twiddling my thumbs. It was a good long twiddle, a fine twiddle. And while in mid-twiddle, it occurred to me my thumbs are the only things I've ever twiddled. Seems a waste. Any suggestions for something else that'd be fun to twiddle? And I mean while I'm in line at the bank.
• Just to see if it'll catch on, I think I'm going to begin referring to the big toe as "foot thumb.”
• Coaching 9-year-old to say anytime she sees grade school kid picking nose, "There's a farmer in the booger barn!”
• There are 310,800 hip replacements per year. Question: what do they do with bones. I fear I'm not as hip as I used to be and, well, you know.
• I used to think I had a brain but it was all in my head.
• I think people who speak with forked tongues would have fewer reasons to floss than those of us with spoon-shaped ones.
• I’m becoming highly suspicious of the word "ascend." How did a word that's pronounced "ASS-END" (ascend) come to mean "Rise up?" Something cheeky is going on here. I vow to get to the bottom of this …
Randoms …
• Tending the various social media platforms I joined with the assurance I'd get ahead are combining to ensure I keep falling farther behind.
• There are still many parts of the country where "Do you think rasslin' is fake?" is considered a sophisticated pick-up line.
• Experts say nude tourists are surprisingly affluent for people for whom description "deep pockets" does not apply.
• This is bound to sound naive, but could global warming be solved by everyone leaving fridge doors open for 15 mins a day?