"Use All The Crayons!" ... Cars
Parkinson’s Book Excerpt: “Me Drunk in Public — 3 times in 1 night!”
I used to say that when it came to cars, all I knew was how to wash ‘em and drive ‘em — and I don’t wash ‘em.
Times have changed. Now, I don’t even own ‘em. It’s been about three months since I’ve had a car. Hasn’t been bad — for me! Now the people who are hauling my ass around, it’s been hell for them!
I hope not. No one’s rolling their eyes. In fact, most of m family and friends have gone out of their way to go out of their way.
So, anyway here’s some tweets about cars and car culture.
Have a great weekend!
CARS
• I’ve become so trusting of small town values the only time I lock my car is when my keys are in there and I'm not.
• Spent a frantic 30 minutes this morning searching for misplaced car keys. Was so elated when I found them I'm vowing to lose them at least once a week.
• Practicing Catholics who car pool to worship are engaged in Mass transit.
• If you were following yourself in a car how many times a day would you give yourself the finger?
• Confide to people you’d take the high road more often but you always get hassled by cops whenever they see a car as crappy as yours in nice neighborhoods.
• At some point in every human life, the physical body is revealed to be the most preposterous, burdensome, inept and smelly vehicle to transport a divine soul from pre-birth oblivion to afterlife infinity anyone could ever imagine. My old Plymouth Horizon was more reliable. Less farty, too.
• The stores we used to call "convenience" marts are now built with drive-thru windows to spare us the inconvenience of having to leave our vehicles to enter the convenience mart. Should we still be calling them convenience marts or has that become anachronistic?
• Starting today, I shall begin to refer to the fast food wrappers, stray receipts, old magazines, etc. that litter my vehicle interior collectively as "carbage." Not to be confused with cabbage, although I've found some of that back there, too.
RANDOMS …
• Proving once again I'm unworthy of staying in nice places, I spent 2 minutes jumping up and down on a stationary disc trying to get it to register my weight before I realized I was jumping up and down on the roomba.
• I’ve learned from bitter experience that, although mashed, baked & circular, gum may resemble a potentially lucky penny, the gum is much more difficult to lift off the city sidewalk and ultimately it is barely worth the free chew.
• That I can't recall ever having spent any quality time at a popsicle stand, yet have blown hundreds of them, leads me to believe I have some serious commitment issues.
]• I’m unfamiliar with the procedure, whether it involves either a seamstress or an exorcist, but I have to imagine when one "darns" a sock one is condemning the sock's soul to heck.
• Anytime I hear someone in charge say it's time to "re-think" a misguided decision, I automatically assume zero actual thought went into the original decision.
• Being a scholarly rabbit must be one of nature's most frustrating circumstances. Even your very best ideas are dismissed as hare-brained.
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com
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