Discover more from "Use All The Crayons!"
"Use All The Crayons!" ... chickens!
If you’ve read “Evan & Elle” and liked it (or not), I urge you to please post an amazon review.
If you’ve thought of donating to support me and my musings, I urge you to do so now. I’m always broke, but I’m in an acute phase right now. Still, as dire as things are now, fear not. I may be broke, but I’ll never be broken.
• Chicken fingers are one of America's most popular meals. Yet, chickens have no arms or hands. Something strange happens between farm & table.
• Chickens have breasts. Women have breasts. Women have nipples. Do chicken have nipples? Are chicken nipples some kind of delicacy?
• Ham & eggs. Bacon & eggs. Steak & eggs. They roll right off -- and on -- the tongue. How come you never see a menu offering chicken & eggs? Chicken is one of our most popular & versatile dishes. Is there a squeamishness about about consuming a species' circle of life on 1 plate?
• If a diplomatic rooster tries to avert a cock fight is it fair to call him chicken?
• It roams the scenic countryside at leisure. It foregoes reliable sustenance in favor of a roll-the-dice existence. Its sole function is to keep itself energized enough to scavenge another day. God help me, I have the brain of a free-range chicken. And that I take the time to reason out how my brain is like that of a free-range chicken is ample evidence that I have the brain of a free-range chicken.
• I enjoy asking the waitress at the family restaurant if she has chicken fingers and when she says yes, saying, "Oh, you're being too hard on yourself. Sure, they're hideous, but they still appear human.” It’s very funny, yes, but be prepared to eat your dinner seasoned with waitress spit.
• A single Faberge egg may be worth up to $33 million. Greedy collectors crave just one of the 43 known to survive. Not me. Couldn't care less. What do I covet? One Faberge chicken!
• Technology is the willful and agreed-upon demolition of charm and all that was once beloved as quaint.
• Noah’s Arc was the only cruise ship in history where every level was a poop deck.
• There ought to be a wax museum celebrating the history, manufacture and usage of wax.
• I like telling people I have five nipples and that only one of them is above the waist.
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com