Related posts:

• “On Easter, let’s resurrect the name Judas”

• “Isn’t it time we resurrected another Carpenter (Karen)”

• Every Easter, try to enjoy at least one Cadbury egg, the delicious seasonal chocolate treat with cream filling. Then tell people if chickens ever start laying Cadbury eggs you’ll drop everything to become a chicken farmer.

• Contend how surprising it is that a musical genre that calls itself hip hop doesn’t have a memorable song about the Easter Bunny.

• Go ahead and this Easter Sunday wear your bathrobe to church on the grounds that it’s what Jesus wore.

• Have fun imagining how great historical figures would have looked had they worn big militant afros. Try it with Jesus, Lincoln, Dick Cheney, etc.

• Write a letter to a hand soap marketer suggesting they create an ad featuring Pontius Pilate.

• How unsettling will it be to your faith if Jesus returns Sunday, but he's wearing one of those HAZ-MAT suits?

• Because of the potential for global religious upheaval, I've been reluctant to reveal this, but if you look closely enough at The Last Supper painting you can see that while Jesus is revealing his betrayal, the apostle John is checking his phone. Maybe he was calculating the tip.

• I wonder if the men who nailed Jesus to the cross felt any sense of irony that they were doing it to a carpenter.

• We hear lots about Jesus as the Son of God. I wonder about Uncle Jesus. Wouldn't it have been cool to say Jesus was your Uncle?

Randoms (not Easter)

• I wonder if linguistic confusion is one of the reasons that keep young single heteros from ever getting together. Many single men lust for women who'll "put out" when what they're really after are women who'll put in.

• I like sitting on a porch whittling a stick and leaving all the young'uns gobsmacked when I say, “You know, I remember when Twitter was just 140 characters …”

• Doing pointless research on Pluto for today's blog and learned Pluto has five moons named Charon, Styx, Nix, Hydra and Kerberos. We have one lousy moon and it's named "Moon." What gives? It's like having a dog and naming it "Dog."

• Another unforeseen Climate Change will be the renaming of the seasons to more accurately describe the prevailing meteorological conditions. Goodbye Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall! Hello Summer, Summerer, Summerest and Fall (But We Can’t Get Back Up)

• It would take a solar powered golf cart traveling 36,400 mph about 9.5 years to reach Pluto -- 9.7 years if you stopped for pee breaks.

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"Use All The Crayons!"

"Use All The Crayons!" ... Easter!