"Use All The Crayons!" ... Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day! Here’s what I wrote just days after my Mum died in 2017. We all loved her very much. Everyone did.

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Reminder: I’ll be telling my stories Saturday, May 20, 2 p.m., at Adams Memorial Library in Latrobe. The program is free and open to the public.

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MOMS!  …

• Mother Teresa came from a large family with three sisters, all of whom had large families themselves. Question: What did her nieces/nephews call her? Aunt Mother Teresa? Aunt Teresa?

• Did your Mom ever write your name on your undershirt tag? She was years ahead of her time. Mom: inventor of the original Collar ID.

• Surprised to learn Yoko Ono is the same age -- 83 -- as my Mom. Mom isn't perfect, but at least she never broke up The Beatles.

• The idea of a stairway to heaven is ingrained in our collective psyche, but if there isn't an escalator, geez, my Mom ain't gonna make it.

• My father died in ’04; mom in ’17. Their memories flicker fainter each year for our daughters, 22 and 16. It’s a pity. I wish on their tough days they could recollect how the faces of these two people lit up when they saw their beloved grandkids — and stayed brilliantly illuminated whenever they were blessed to be in their presence. I wish I had a pill — just one pill — that would restore all our memories. Not of childhood, but of infancy, when our every expression, sound or gesture provoked pure delight. The pill would remind us of what perfect love, security and hopefulness feels like. One pill. One dose. I’d prescribe it to America.

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RANDOMS …

• If a handwriting expert said analysis of your signature indicated it was likely that you're an obnoxious asshole, would you vow to become a better person or simply begin altering your signature?

• One of the great oddities of the human existence is that many otherwise mature adults will answer in the affirmative when asked, "Do you want to see something disgusting?”

• Paleontologists dedicate themselves to working with dinosaur bones. Paleontologist is a difficult word to spell. Does anyone suppose paleontologists would object if we all started calling them boners?

• Some words have too many meanings. Like volume (a collection, bulk, strength); or record (recall, an album, etc.) & I'm not touching cock.

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All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com