"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter 109
Today's theme ... "Winter"
Today’s theme: “Winter”
Today’s video nonsense: "This is Buck. Buck owns the Tin Lizzy. Buck is 12”
Speaker affirmation of the week comes from my friend Ron A., who invited me to speak to the Somerset Rotary last week and followed it up with an offer to do the same for Hidden Valley homeowners association. Ron said …
“I’m happy to announce Chris Rodell is the presenter. We can definitely state that he is entertaining to say the least. I think he will be a great fit to the homeowners.”
New Feature! Weekly World News Headline of the Week …
• On this chilly winter day I just saw a man at the bus stop wearing nothing but a musical bellows. He was dressed accordioningly.
• I think it's time we rename Buffalo to Uninhabitable. Humans can't live in Buffalo. Heck, buffalo can't live in Buffalo.
• People say "not a snowball’s chance in hell,” like they know forecast. In my hell, there will be tons of snow.
• I have read that tribes native to Arctic climes have 47 words to describe snow. I have just as many to describe farts.
• It’s often said of snowflakes no two are ever alike, but what about popcorn? Needs further study. Too bad most people eat their popcorn in the dark.
• If I were God there'd be no war, no injustice & every snowflake would be an identical smiley face. Who'm I kidding? If I were God, there’d be no snow!
• We have blankets of snow and sheets of ice. Anyone know where I can find a good slush pillow?
• Anytime I hear anyone saying "cooler heads will prevail," I keep hoping one of the cooler heads is wacky snowman Olaf from “Frozen.”
• Astronomers calculate Earth is 92,960,000 miles from the sun. I stepped outside today and I swear it feels more like 92,960,002.
• Just discovered Crayola has a color called “Macaroni & Cheese.” Be warned: it tastes nothing like the real thing and Listerine won’t help.
• Chances of getting rope aficionados to call themselves "Knotsies" are the same as getting florists to call themselves petalphiles.
• Loud bulimics make the worst neighbors. They can never keep it down.
• Nana just demolished any chance at being cool in granddaughter's eyes by responding, "Susan Boyle," when asked to name her favorite Beatle.
Author’s note …
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com