"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter No. 41

Today's theme ... "Planets"

Today’s theme: Planets

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

• May not be in our lifetimes but at some point some high school band'll road trip to Mars. They're going to have to sell lots of hoagies.

Related … 

• What do they call earthquakes on other planets?

• NASA probes continue to scan the cosmos for evidence of planets with life-sustaining water. Life-sustaining? Listen, I'm not going anywhere until they find a planet with life-sustaining pizza.

• NASA deserves ridicule for saying there are 8.8 billion Earth-like planets. Wrong! None of them have Trump!

• I wonder how long it'll be before the number of earthlings living in space outnumber the number of earthlings living on earth.

• I’d like to see Bruno Mars and Venus Williams get together and have a kid who could be described as earthy.

• Men are from Mars, women from Venus, but Venus Williams is from Lynwood, California.

Random & Unrelated …

• What would happen if the police ever charge The Energizer Bunny with battery?

• Many people say they want to be writers when what they mean is they want to be either John Grisham or J.K. Rowling.

• How massive is my ego? When daughter, 15, is in car texting to friends I believe she is writing, "My Daddy is the greatest!”

Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual  dictionary) …

Fauxksiness: The contrived characteristic displayed by a man or woman, usually one with a political bent, determined to appear in synch with the popular feelings of common folk.

Related blog post …

“Earth’s plans to occupy Kepler 22b (from ‘10)”

The first thing that crossed my mind when I heard there was an Earth-like planet 600 light years away was an optimistic hunch that it had Subways. NASA planet-hunters say the sphere they’re dubbing Kepler-22b is likely to have all the critical elements necessary to sustain human life. To me that means Subway.

(Full story here)

“Kelly’s year in space (from ’14)

I’ll always remember the day Scott Kelly returned to earth as the day I learned Neil Armstrong spelled backwards is “Gnorts, Mr. Alien!” Kelly today is the most interesting man on the planet because it’s been nearly one year since he’s been on the planet.

(Full story here)

Oddly enough …

“The Professional: America’s Greatest Bank Robber (March ’05)”

The robber worked as he lived, all alone. Three days and two nights spent bivouacked in the chilly southeastern Pennsylvania woods dutifully staring at the small bank had built to this moment. He pushes the wristwatch display button to illuminate the time in the twilight. It’s 6:47 p.m. on January 24, 1997. In 13 minutes, the PNC Bank branch in Lima, Pennsylvania, will be closing. Inside, branch manager Dawn Bressler and her tellers are glancing at the time, too. Work weary customers are cashing paychecks and, T.G.I.F., distractedly daydreaming of weekends of relaxation and revelry. Those dreams are about to ghoulishly morph into nightmares. The Friday Night Bank Robber is about to go to work.

(See full story here)

Concluding words …

• Calculate the age you feel based on other planets from around our galaxy. For instance, if you’re 45 here on the third rock from the sun and feel youthful, tell people you’re about 24 in Mars years. That’s the earth equivalent of how long it takes the red planet to poke around the sun. But if you’ve slept poorly and wake up feeling weak and fatigued, tell people you’re feeling Venusian, or about 73.

All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com

If any of this made you smile and you have some disposable income, please dispose some of it here with me … (PayPal, Venmo, 874 Solomon Temple Rd., Latrobe, Pa, 15650).

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