"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter no. 64

Today's theme ... "One (or two-) liners"

Today’s theme: One (or two) -liners

Daily Instagram "crayons!" video tip!.

Related/recommended “music” video …

To me, the greatest one-liner country song title is, “I’m Gonna Drink ’til I See Double then Take One of You Home,” by the peerless Ray Wylie Hubbard. This is a short video of him describing how the song came together.

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

• Realize when people say that colorful people think funny, what they’re actually saying is colorful people think.

(SORTA) Relateds …

• I’m so non-violent I refuse to tell jokes that include punchlines.

• Not sure if it makes me a bad dad or an efficient communicator, but I didn't engage in attentive fathering until my kids were old enough to get the jokes.

• My jokes must not be very funny. I told one to some linked steel and didn't get any chain reaction.

• I’m growing nostalgic for the days when I could tell nasty bald jokes without appearing truly hypocritical. 

• Don’t be afraid to tell stupid jokes. Like this one: “Why did the grass farmer cross the road? To get to the other sod.”

• Construct a clean joke about a mule farmer and a crazy rabbit for the following punch line: “And that’s what happened when the farmer got a wild hare up his ass.”


• I have to think it depresses shoe factory morale that maybe a quarter of the employees report to a department under a sign that reads “HEELS.”

• Bible says our bodies are temples. On Friday nights, mine is more like a honky tonk. Some beer's been spilled, some of the furniture is busted & it smells kinda funny. But the folks are friendly, the peanuts are free and the good music never ends.

• The older I get the more convinced I become that the whole sum of life is equivalent to the pointless milling about we do for the 3 or 4 hours we have to kill until the front desk tells us our room is ready.

Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual  dictionary) …

Flertilizer: Any boisterous man who tosses around lots of BS in the hopes it'll get romance to bloom with a seedy woman; engaged in an act of flertilization.

Related blog post, “Yukkin’ it up over laugh track history,” (April ‘15) …

I plan to spend tomorrow commemorating the 2003 death of Charles Douglass by laughing my merry ass off. I’ll chortle, giggle, titter, guffaw, hoot, howl, cackle and generally spend the day behaving like I’m being tickled by invisible feathers. Douglass died 12 years ago tomorrow at the age of 93. If his funeral was a sad one, I think Douglass would have disapproved. His funeral above all others should have been a laugh riot. Douglass was the father of the modern laugh track.

(Full story here)

Concluding thought …

• How you aspire to live is your bucket list. How you aspire to die is your kick-the-bucket list.

• Author’s note Please consider supporting me with some tangible appreciation (PayPal, Venmo, 874 Solomon Temple Rd., Latrobe, Pa, 15650).

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