"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter no. 76

Today's theme ... "Salute to those who Labor

This week’s blog post: “I’m lazy. You’re busy. Which is worse?

Too busy to check out my daily colorful living tips on Instagram? I’m starting a first-of-the-month compilation for those of you who’d rather incinerate 2 minutes all at once than 9 seconds at a time. Bonus feature to inaugural offering: Find which one is duplicated! Link to YouTube.

Today’s theme: A salute to people who work from a guy who doesn’t

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

• Your life will be appreciably more sane if you wake up each day realizing your job isn’t nearly as important as you think.”

Relatables …

• Surreptitiously slip notes into the pockets of pants at clothing stores claiming to be from a slave laborer who earned a quarter during the day the pants were made.

• Argue no one should be allowed to run for public office until they can prove they once held a job that required them to show up for work wearing a name tag.

• Your job will seem a lot less tedious if you spend at least five minutes a day daydreaming about what your job would be like if your job were a Broadway musical.

• Always agree any job worth doing is worth doing right. But realize it’s equally true it’s worth putting off for months until your spouse gets fed up and hires a pro.

• On the really boring days at work in the cubicle, take a few minutes to pretend you have a yah-yah job. That’s one of those jobs where you sit on a pony and yell, “Yah! Yah!” at wandering livestock.

• Philosophize what Socrates would have said when people asked him if he was ever going to get a real job.

• It’s odd, I admit, how much I relate the Biblical Job when it's been a good 24 years since I've had an actual job. #TakeThisJob

• If a surgeon botches a boob job can they still call it a bust?

• I’d like to get a job at Tomorrowland in Disney to see just how far they'll let me push the whole procrastination angle.

Labor (the childbirth kind) …

• I believe in the future childbirth will be done using the “Star Trek” technology to "beam" babies from wombs straight to mama's arms.

• I’m on a crusade to get national OBGYN organizations to start calling postpartum depression by a fun new name: "Stork … Raving … Mad!”

• When Jesus brought Lazarus back from the dead, did Lazarus's father have to go through the whole "It's a boy!" buy-cigars-for-your-buddies custom and if so, did he try and get Jesus to pitch in on the cost?

Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual dictionary) …

Ashhole: An otherwise harmless volcano that kills no one, but disrupts the travel plans of millions.

Related blog post …

“Let’s turn Labor Day into Leisure Day” (Sept. ’16) …

If anyone thinks by blogging on Labor Day I’m engaging in actual labor they know even less about blogging than they do about labor. About the only things farther from labor than blogging involve sex and sleeping -- and as soon as I learn how to comfortably blog while lying flat on my back even that point will be moot. Blogging is something I enjoy, something that releases rather than causes tension and something I sometimes do while eating Lucky Charms. True labor involves none of those things.

(Full story here)

Concluding thought …

• Your job will seem a lot less tedious if you spend at least five minutes a day daydreaming about what your job would be like if your job were a Broadway musical.

• Author’s note …

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