Today’s theme: “Tricks”
Reader Letter of the Week …
Check Chris' website out. I heartily recommend all of his books. Better yet, meet him at the Tin Lizzie for liquid libation. His outlook on life, and his dry sense of humor, make him an American treasure. The next Lewis Grizzard . . .
Glenn H.
Palm Valley, Texas
Today’s blog post …
“Ghost of Arnold Palmer is haunting The Tin Lizzy (wink, wink)!
First off, it says something about the quality of our dead regulars that if I could summon their spirits, Arnold Palmer would come in fourth. He’d be behind Zack, Wayne and Dave. All three were fixtures here at The Tin Lizzy, the place where the good times never die … But some of the regulars do! As upbeat promotional slogans go, that one’s probably a non-starter.
• Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual dictionary) …
Decrapitate: An editorial elimination of all the bullshit from a specified piece of writing.
Tricks
• Announce to friends you’re going to create an online archive of history’s greatest speeches, but recited in the voice of Elmer Fudd. When they ask why anyone would do such a thing say, “I have a dweam.”
• Tell people you’re so restlessly caring about the human condition you wake up in the middle of the night wondering just why the hell Jimmy cracked corn.
• Admit to friends you once got in big trouble spying on a woman in a department store dressing room. She was furious. Say it was a fit of pique over a peek of fit.
• He’s cheerful, polite, enjoys laughter. Go ahead and tell people the Pillsbury Dough Boy is among the world’s greatest roll models.
• I’m going to be famous! I just taught Snickers how to sing/bark "I Want You To Want Me!" Yes! I taught an old dog Cheap Trick!
• Tell people you’re so ardent about recycling you dream of seeing a telephone pole constructed entirely from old telephones.
Randoms …
• Can’t believe I'm 54, lived the life I've lived, been where I've been and I've not even once had to duck bullets fired in my direction.
• Did your Mom ever write your name on your undershirt tag? She was years ahead of her time. Mom: inventor of the original Collar ID.
• Where any of the apostles married and if yes what did they do at their bachelor parties?
• Author’s note …
How long has it been since I pleaded for money? Only a fraction of the time my pleas have gone unheard. So I ask again … Pleas, er, please make a donation to keep the machine up and running. (PayPal, Venmo, 874 Solomon Temple Rd., Latrobe, Pa, 15650).
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com