"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter no. 78

Today's theme ... "Body Parts"

All-time best “Crayons!” video review. This ’19 clip from “Mind, Body, Spirit Network” shows Dr. Deborah Edwards saying how she refused Novocain for a root canal. Didn’t need it. Why not? She had “Use All The Crayons!” on tape! Over-the-top praise like this makes me wonder why I’m not famous  — or at least solvent. Watch here from 1 minute to 3:58.

Today’s Instagram compilation, 1:36, click here to see my latest YouTuber …

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Today’s theme: Body Parts

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

• Treat your body like it’s a cherished employee and you’re striving for boss of the year stature. Encourage it to sleep in. Listen to its complaints. Discourage it from stressful activity. Pamper it. Be sure to treat your significant other the same way every once in a while.

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Relatables …

• Warn dedicated pre-med students that if they do nothing but study anatomy they are destined to be real know bodies.

• Call beer drinkers who believe their bladders are half empty pissimists.

• Ask a 6-year-old how long and thin her finger would need to be if her brain ever gets itchy. Watch her face. Brain may not itch, but it’ll be busy.

• Bible says my body is a temple. Could it still be so if it's absent of any devoted worshippers?

• I used to think I had a brain but it was all in my head.

• Just to see if it'll catch on, I think I'm going to begin referring to the big toe as "foot thumb.”


Unrelateds …

• It boggles my mind that in '96 multi-millionaires Johnny Cash and Tom Petty collaborated on an album called "Unchained." Imagine the cover possibilities had they called it the obvious: "Petty Cash.”

• Saw angry parents running after a boy they'd named Chase and screaming for him to come back, oblivious to the irony.

• Because of the noisy commotion associated with the happy event, I propose we change "orgasm" to ‘ROARgasm."


Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual dictionary) …

Splashock: The terrifying realization that the person who’d showered previously forgot to restore the faucet to necessary tub dispensing.


Related blog post …

“A galling story on useless body parts,” (from August ‘12) …

I’ve known people who’ve returned from vacation without golf clubs, sweaters and sunglasses. Joe’s the first one who’s ever come back without his gallbladder. He’s maybe my favorite of the bar’s eight Regular Joes who are all conveniently named Joe. He’s 72, looks 58 and acts 23. He’s just a lot of fun. He was returning from Hilton Head when he started feeling severe abdomen pains around Bridgeport, W. Va. He told a friend he needed to be dropped off at the nearest hospital right away. Happily, the two were in a car, not an airplane, or this story would have a more gruesome ending.

(Full story here)


Concluding thought …

• Due to technological advances involving titanium joints, the old “shinbone’s connected to the knee bone,” song is losing validity.


• Author’s note …

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All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com