A friend, an avid supporter of my work, offered to give me $4,000 to pay for the publishing costs of my new book, “Evan & Elle in Heaven & Hell.” It’d be an investment. He envisions making the money back in 6 months. I told him no thanks. Now, far be it for me to discourage anyone from giving me money. But I’m hopeful this will be the book that convinces big shots in the publishing industry to pay me to have them publish the book. See, the cruel business model of self-publishing — for me, at least — is you shell out thousands of dollars up front, but you earn it back just $15 at a time. That’s what I’ve been doing for about 10 years now and it’s like being paid in beer money. Understand, I drink a LOT of beer, but it’s not grown-up income. So I told my friend the best thing he can do to support me is to buy books for friends (and hiring me to speak is swell, too). He’s indicated he’ll buy 60 copies of “Crayons!” for friends and customers. That kind of tangible support is invaluable. As I’ve been saying for the last 20 years, yes, my career is really taking off.
It’s just that the runway is really, really long …
Today’s theme: Chicken
New blog post: “Wild chickens roaming our yard”
Today’s Instagram: Oreos vs. DoubleStuft Oreos
Colorful Living Tip of the Day …
• If a diplomatic rooster tries to avert a cock fight is it fair to call him chicken?
Relatables …
A single Faberge egg may be worth up to $33 million. Greedy collectors crave just one of the 43 known to survive. Not me. Couldn't care less. What do I covet? One Faberge chicken!
• Do brain-eating amoeba tell picky children it tastes just like chicken?
• I’m thinking of opening fast food restaurant that uses really seasoned vegetable oils for fried chicken, etc. I'll call it "Ancient Grease”
• Chickens have breasts. Women have breasts. Women have nipples. Do chicken have nipples? Are chicken nipples some kind of delicacy?
• Chicken fingers are one of America's most popular meals. Yet, chickens have no arms or hands. Something strange happens between farm & table.
• Every Easter, try to enjoy at least one Cadbury egg, the delicious seasonal chocolate treat with cream filling. Then tell people if chickens ever start laying Cadbury eggs you’ll drop everything to become a chicken farmer.
(Sorta) relateds …
• If "All You Need is Love" were re-written to your needs what would it be? Mine: "All You Need is Cadbury Eggs.”
• I’ve done like the financial wizards advised. I've had nest eggs. The problem is they've always hatched and flown away.
• I sometimes believe a day will come when I feel like a futurist, but I predict the feeling will pass.
• People say I repeat myself when I'm drunk. People say I repeat myself when I'm drunk.
Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual dictionary) …
Bornograher: An amateur cinematographer, usually a male who was involved in the act of conception, who in a hospital delivery room spends his time recording all the intimate details of a child’s birth; resulting film is bornography.
Related blog post …
“Wingin’ it at The Pond,” “Sept. 11)
I’m convinced homelessness will be eliminated when Habitat for Humanity begins using discarded chicken wing bones to construct residential dwellings. This occurred to me yesterday afternoon when I watched one of the Regular Joes run through a plate of hot wings like his pants were on fire, which I suspect they were about 20 minutes after he’d consumed them.
Concluding thought …
• Explain your belief that hunger will end when scientists discover a way for chickens to lay softball-sized eggs, but will resume when they realize what’s killing all the chickens.
• Author’s note …
Please consider supporting me with some tangible appreciation (PayPal, Venmo, 874 Solomon Temple Rd., Latrobe, Pa, 15650).
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com