"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter No. 29

Today's theme ... "Noah"

Today’s theme: Noah

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

• Who wants to bet that once/if we get to heaven, one of the most popular family rec spots is a combo zoo/waterpark run by the Biblical Noah?

Related …

• Do fundamentalist climate change deniers see any irony in having sons named Noah?

• Imagine how different the world would be had Noah had a fly swatter.

• Noah’s Arc was the only cruise ship in history where every level was a poop deck.

• Would you find the Bible more or less compelling if back in Biblical times rudimentary selfie technology had existed? Imagine some of Noah's selfies.

• Try to find an ark that didn’t belong to Noah. It seems like in the entire recorded history of man there’s only been one ark and it was Noah’s. No one’s ever heard of Mel’s Ark or Burt’s Used Arks.

Unrelated Grab Bag …

• I wonder if in the annals of mob history a man named Stone was ever asked to kill two men named Byrd.

• Easiest way to differentiate carpenter bees from others is that carpenter bees are the ones wearing the really tiny tool belts.

• Really popular all-you-can-eat buffets are places where the crowd never thins.

Weekend book signing/Meet the author …

Join me Saturday for Soup’s On in Ligonier. I’ll be at Second Chapter Books, 139 E. Main St., from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Will there be social distancing? You betcha. In fact, if I’m in Second Chapter, you’ll be way up ahead in chapter 5. Related reading thought …

Ignore the push to become a speed reader. Reading is something to savor. Tell advocates you have the same interest in learning speed reading as you do in practicing speed sex.

Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into a dictionary) …

Cannibler: A picky eater of human flesh; a cannibal with a dainty eating disorder.

Throwback video (from ’14) … Songwriter/friend Quinn Fallon on writing songs based on things I say in bars (co-starring a can of Natty Lite) … YouTube 1:33 click here

Today’s featured blog post …

“Animal annoyances? Blame Noah” (from ’15)

I wonder how different the world would be today if on Noah’s ark someone had thought to bring along a fly swatter. It’d probably be a lot less annoying. They drive me nuts. What do common houseflys do? Each female fly can lay about 500 eggs, a reproductive feat that makes Michelle Duggar look like a piker.

(read full story here)

Oddly enough (stories from my story treasure chest) …

“Vintage baseball: Taking them out to the old, old ballgame”

On Tuesday, Major League baseball’s All Stars will jet into Phoenix to play the old ballgame. But starting Friday, six teams from around the midwest will be barnstorming French Lick, Indiana, to play the old, old, old ball game. It’s baseball from circa 1864. No mound. No designated hitter. No lights. No radar guns. No Myley Cyrus blaring from the loudspeakers. Is this heaven? Nope, it’s the pastoral grounds of the French Lick Resort.

Read full story here ...

Concluding words …

If you’re within two or three hours of a river town threatened by flooding, take a couple of vacation days, race to the site and volunteer to bag sand to save the town. Strangers will hug you, the free coffee will never taste better and you’ll feel like a lower case superhero, especially if you don’t tell your co-workers what you did on your vacation.

All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com

If you’ve read this far …

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