"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter No. 38

Today's theme(s) ... Earth Day/Movies

Today’s theme(s): a) Earth Day; b) Movies

Colorful Living Tip(s) of the Day …

a) Climate change, lousy air quality, unsightly rubbish piles abound … understand if Earth were an apartment we’d be at risk of losing our security deposit. Do something about it. Every day.

b) See a movie solo. It feels very liberating.

Related a) … 

• Speculate on how long it’ll be before the number of earthlings living in space outnumber the number of earthlings living on earth.

• Inform people you have figured out why Earth is such a mess. It’s bi-polar!

• Swear to earth-friendly folks you’re so reluctant to do anything that might contribute to drastic climate change, you’ll no longer sign off notes with warm regards

• Don’t act surprised when scientists claim Earth’s been rotating for 4.53 billion years. Be surprised it’s never started to squeak.

• Ask yourself how come we're Earthlings instead of Earthians, ala Martians. I know of no equivalent. No Pittsburgherlings. No Frenchlings. Earthling sounds like the name for a captivity-bred panda.

Related b) (popcorn stand) …

• Make a family outing of going to a movie. Before the previews end, ask your spouse to run out and get some popcorn. While your partner’s gone, move the entire family to a distant part of the theater and swear them to silence. It’ll be a great bonding experience as you all watch your loved one helplessly prowling about the darkened theater in a vain search for disappeared kin.

• Just saw "Bohemian Rhapsody." My thoughts: If all the popcorn spilled at all the theaters every day in America were gathered, sanitized and distributed to starving people around the world then starving people around the world would get mighty sick of popcorn.

• It’s often said of snowflakes no two are ever alike, but what about popcorn? Needs further study. Too bad I eat most of my popcorn in the dark.

Our feature presentation …

• Have a handy explanation for movie trivia. For instance, Don Cheadle was nominated for a 2004 Oscar for his role in “Hotel Rwanda.” Cheadle’s a terrific actor, but that had nothing to do with it. He never stood a chance. Cheadles never win.

• Tell movie buffs you’d one day like to see Hollywood announce it is releasing what it calls a period movie and that it’ll be solely about punctuation.

• Ask friends if they think all the movies in heaven are all G-rated and that if they are you’re going to look around for the suggestion box.

• Tell friends you wish you were a famous Hollywood director so one day you could shoot a scene with Robert Redford driving a red Ford.

• Point out that in movies most cars don’t have rearview mirrors. But they still have the little window dot that used to secure the star-obscuring mirror.

• Camera operators who film pornography unwittingly wind up being crack photographers.

Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual  dictionary) …

Confanity:The boring, inoffensive over-dubbed words actors like James Gandolfini must mouth to make shows like “The Sopranos” acceptable for networks like A&E; profanity in an audio disguise.

Related blog post …

Earth Day? Planet needs a Mirth Day” (from ’15)

“Oscars bore; Movies suck" (from ’10)

Oddly enough …

“Where to stay on Oscar night to see the stars”

On a night when Hollywood comes together to celebrate the best movies made around the world some fans go on location to celebrate the festivities. Call it Oscar tourism. They book rooms at posh Hollywood hotels and rub shoulders with the stars. You’ll see them in the elevators. You’ll see them in the halls. You probably won’t get past security at their private after-Oscar parties, but who knows? They are stars and you’ll be in their orbits.

(See full story here)

Concluding words (duo) …

a) As way of both meeting potentially friendly ETs & getting while getting's good, I propose Earth erect a really big For Sale sign.

b) There are evident flaws in the language when I can enjoy engrossing films, but disdain gross ones.

All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com

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