"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter no. 108
Today's Theme ... "Calendar/Beginnings"
Today’s theme: “Calendar/Beginnings”
Related blog post: “Checkin’ in on New Year’s: Was there a Year Zero?”
New Feature! Weekly World News Headline of the Week (which demands ALL CAPS Respect) …
“TEENAGE SPACE ALIENS ARE STEALING OUR GLACIERS FOR PARTY ICE!”
Zeitgust Word of the Week …
Mousewife: Any female spouse who lets an oafish husband do whatever he wants without even a squeak of matrimonial dissent.
“Calendar/Beginnings”
• I vow to continue saying 'Happy New Year!' right up thru July 5 when it'll become seasonally appropriate to resume saying "Merry Christmas!”
• Tell professionals that podiatrists with empty appointment calendars are light on their feet.
• The calendar year is getting old when the leaves begin to fall, but that doesn’t mean you have to. Every year, rake the leaves into a big pile in the backyard and dive in like an Olympic gold medalist. The soul-refreshing fun will stiffen your spine for any bitter winter.
• I’m beginning to understand the peacefulness that comes from no longer trying to change the minds of the mindless.
• Ask people which will soar higher when we begin celebrating National No One Looks in Mirror Day: our productivity or collegial revulsion at seeing each other’s natural looks?
(Randoms)
• You used to be able to count on all-news networks to present you with fact-based reports on a wide range of stories. Now the major networks seem to devote most of their time to convincing viewers their competitors are involved in dark conspiracies that serve Satan's purposes. We've gone from cable news to cabal news.
• I was stuck in such a long bank line today I actually began twiddling my thumbs. It was a good long twiddle, a fine twiddle. And while in mid-twiddle, it occurred to me my thumbs are the only things I've ever twiddled. Seems a waste. Any suggestions for something else that'd be fun to twiddle? And I mean while I'm in line at the bank.
• The word "astute" means shrewd or mentally sharp. Had the people who coined a word that's pronounced ass-TOOT been shrewd or mentally sharp then astute would mean something entirely different.
• I know so few people who sleep, I propose we stop calling sleep sleep and instead call it, "(Mostly) stationary time where we recline in darkened rooms and ignore one another but the television/devices are (mostly) NOT on." Too cumbersome? I can do better. Let me sleep on it ….
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com
Cabal news. That seems about right.
Ass-toot. My grandchildren did not get their love of bathroom humor from their grandfather. Nor did it skip a generation.