"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter No. 62

Today's theme ... "Heat"

What does one man do with 80 signed copies of the book Jim Nantz says is the “best book anyone’s written about Arnold Palmer?” He hosts a July 30 fundraiser at Scotch Valley CC in Hollidaysburg and gives one to each of his guests. And to top it off, he brings me in to tell my AP stories. Thanks PA State Rep, Jim Gregory (R-80) for thinking of me and my book!

Daily Instagram "crayons!" video tip!.

Today’s newsletter was lovingly compiled while listening to …

Today’s theme: Heat

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

• It may be a vast over-simplification, but couldn’t global warming be eased if we simply moved Earth farther from the sun? I think if we synchronized our pushups on one side of the globe while everyone on the other side jumped up in the air …

Relateds …

• Refer to people who are adamant we can still use all the fossil fuels we want as global warming SCOPEtics: people who think no matter the pollution things will still turn out all green and minty fresh.

• Innocently ask friends if, yes, it might sound naive, but do any of them think global warming could be solved by everyone simultaneously leaving fridge doors open for 15 minutes a day?

• Global warming will ease when scientists divine a way to get the earth to rotate, not around the poles, but in a rotisserie fashion.

• It’s hot out. We crank the AC. Cranking AC contributes to global warming so it gets more hot out. So we crank up the AC. Together we dance merrily to our dooms.

• All global warming solutions are earth-centric. I propose we cool the sun. Can someone calculate just how much ice we're gonna need?


• Powerful thunderstorms through nudist colony could lead to flesh flooding.

• I wonder if in the annals of mob history a man named Stone was ever asked to kill two men named Byrd.

• Jesus walked on water. I wonder if when He returns He’ll this time opt for a spiffy new Sea Doo.

• Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual  dictionary) …

Splashock:The terrifying realization that the person who’d showered previous to you forgot to restore the faucet to necessary tub dispensing.

Related blog post, “On the Hottest Day of the Year, a Toast to Ice” (July ’12) …

Mark your calendars for November 2015. That’s when ice celebrates its 200th birthday. The declaration will no doubt startle those who revere the literal word. How could ice be only 200 years old when earth endured what is known as “The Ice Age” 20,000 years ago?  Let me explain. Prior to 1815, ice was a substance that inspired one expression: profanity. It was slippery. It impeded motion. It made drinking water without a campfire difficult.

(Full story here)

Concluding thought …

• Someone will one day identify an exclusively male condition in which men convince themselves they  alone possess the virility and sex appeal to, if needed, re-populate the entire planet. These men are “egoTESTicle."

Give a gift subscription


All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com