"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter no. 75

Today's theme ... "Shoes"

Today’s blog post: “August Tweets of the Month

Yesterday’s blog post: “I’m lazy. You’re busy. Which is worse?


Today’s theme: Shoes

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

Never skimp on the shoes. A quality shoe can turn long walks into waltzes. And, someday, try to listen to the greatest ode to shoes ever written, “Quality Shoe,” by Mark Knopfler from the outstanding 2002 CD, “The Ragpicker’s Dream.”

Here’s Knopfler performing “Quality Shoe” live. I give you permission to momentarily depart today’s newletter to enjoy. I defy anyone to watch it and not return in a better mood.


Relatables …

• Ask a shoe salesperson if he or she would be criticized or praised for audaciously telling potential customers to “just put a sock in it.”

• Wager hardcore fans that for a guy who became famous singing “Born to Run,” Bruce Springsteen probably doesn’t even own a pair of track shoes.

• Realize that until something drastic happens, flying commercial will always make you feel like a foot feels when it’s getting shoved into a bowling shoe.

• Understand square feet can be either a standard unit of measurement or a veteran shoe salesman’s bucket-list challenge.

• Realizing a crucial part of my morning routine is a mess of inefficiency. Takes me FOREVER to get dressed. I think the problem is my superstition that it's bad luck if I don't put my socks on last. This is especially troublesome on the days I wear shoes.

• I have to think it depresses shoe factory morale that maybe a quarter of the employees report to a department under a sign that reads “HEELS.”

• When you break it all down, life is about deciding if you'd rather walk in someone else's shoes or seize them by their throats. Most bowlers choose the former. 

• Many writers are on shoe-string budgets. Me, I can't afford shoes with strings. I guess that means I'm on a flip flop budget.


Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual dictionary) …

Ashhole: An otherwise harmless volcano that kills no one, but disrupts the travel plans of millions.


Related blog post …

I now have a shoe fetish,” (Nov. ’19) …

When people read that disgraced Filipino first lady Imelda Marcos had nearly 3,000 pairs of fancy shoes they become outraged at the excess. How, they wonder, could she be so calloused to the suffering of others? I contend her shoes were so well-made, the common callous never developed. Me, I didn’t become outraged. I became envious. See, I have just six pair of dress shoes. They’re all very nice. I care for them. I brag to friends about them. I love them less than my daughters, but more than the annoying little yip dog, who if he were ever made into shoes would likely still squeak with every step. It’ll surprise many of you, I’m sure, but I’m becoming a bit of a dandy. 

(Full story here)


Concluding thought …

•  Appreciate how shoes are our most human-like accessory. Like us, they have tongues, eyes, heels, toes — if they had souls instead of soles they’d be equals.

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