"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter No. 80

Today's theme ... NFL

This week’s “Use All The Crayons!” colorful living tips Instagram medley.

Had the wrong link Friday. Sorry! This is international motivational speaker Gair Maxwell interviewing me for 20 minutes about my Arnold Palmer book. He’s very flattering towards me and calls my Palmer book, “Fantastic. Maybe the best book ever!” Being humble, I demurred and said it’s maybe the “best book since the Bible.” Here’s the link — and this time I mean it!

Today’s theme: NFL

• Confound politically savvy friends by asking if the Electoral College has a football team.

• In honor of preposterous NFL Super Bowl custom, give your phone number in Roman numerals. Mine’s DCCXXIV CMLXI MMDLVIII. Call me!

• I hope next week Roger Goodell greets one top draftee so exuberantly he has to fine himself for an excessive celebration.

• Argue the NFL should next year skip halftime shows and instead partner with a big drug company to issue every American hallucinogenic pills that last precisely 32 minutes.

• My favorite part of the #NFLDraft is watching Roger Goodell excessively celebrate with players who he'll in just five months begin to fine for excessive celebrations.

• Saw an incongruous scene at Steeler game. Native American Indians in ceremonial dress dancing at scoreboard pavillion. #Yinzdians?

• The greatest public misnomer involves announcers addressing crowds at things like NFL games as "Ladies and gentlemen." At any game of about 60,000 fans, there are probably no more than 120 ladies and 50 true gents. If they cared at all.

• The cumulative weight of the '78 Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers starting offensive line was 1,277 pounds. The five starters in those same positions today weigh 1,604 pounds. Somewhere in this calculation is a solution to world hunger.


No relation …

• Lovebirds are fine, but it's too narrow a description for many personalities. There ought to be lovedogs, lovelizards, lovemonkeys, etc.

• I figured out why Earth is such a mess: It's bi-polar!

• Those who obsess over audacious bucket lists go beyond the pail.

Related Blog Post

“Solution to NFL over-officiating: armless linemen” (Dec. ’11)

It was another weekend of the ruling elite infuriating the 99 percent of Americans who feel helpless about doing anything in the face of tyrannical oppression. I’m talking about the officiating in the NFL. We can disagree about income disparity, presidential politics and whether God’s playing favorites with the Denver Broncos because Tim Tebow’s such a Savior suck up (my take, “Jesus, Tebow’s a winner”). But I think we can all agree NFL over-officiating is ruining the game. Calls are excessive and confusing and now every scoring play is under review.

Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual dictionary) …

Stork . . . Raving . . . Mad! A better, more emotionally emphatic phrase to describe the condition known as “post-partum depression; the mental unbalance that afflicts many women after giving birth.

• Author’s note …

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All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com