"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter No. 28

Today's theme ... "St. Patrick's Day"

Today’s theme: St. Patrick’s Day 

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

• Ask friends if they know what an Irish wristwatch is. If they guess it’s a Celtic time piece, say, “Wrong!” Tell them saying Irish wristwatch is a tongue twister no man or woman, sober or drunk, can say five times without slurring.


Related Irish, drinking, etc. …

• Understand, a spritely Irish elf is a leprechaun. A 3-card scam that ends up with a whole hand on the table is a leper con.

• I enjoy hanging with St. Patrick’s Day drunks ‘cuz you can tell same joke same way five times in one night and it’s always hilarious. Not so w/sober wife.

• I’ve never experienced love at first sight, but 5 or 6 times every St. Patrick’s Day day I'll catch the eye of some stranger and know -- just know -- we're destined to become drinking buddies.

• The older I get the more appreciative I become of the wisdom of one old Irish bartender who said, "Kid, count yourself lucky if the people who say they like you actually like you and the people who say they love you at least put up with all your bullshit.”

• St. Patrick’s Day conversation starter: Tell revelers you’re sure He was a perfectly competent carpenter, but that you think Jesus missed his calling. Contend he’d have been one hell of a bartender.


Hangover …

• Haven’t had so much as a cold in years. I'd say I was healthy as a horse if I could verify horses suffer from occasional hangovers.

 • I used to pretend I was too sick to go to school. Now, I pretend I'm not hungover nights after I swore to wife I wouldn't drink too much.


Looking for a great Irish movie for St. Patrick’s Day? Val and I give our strongest recommendation to “Waking Ned Devine,” from ‘98. Here’s the trailer …


Throwback Grammy thoughts from ’10 …

“I wonder if it would be helpful to our national psyche if taxpayers bailed out the music industry the way we bailed out Detroit. Really, if one industry should be investigated and forced to issue massive recalls, it is the music industry. They should recall everything they’ve released since about 1986 …”

Read the whole story right here!


Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into a dictionary) …

Cannibler: A picky eater of human flesh; a cannibal with a dainty eating disorder.


Throwback video (from ’14) … Songwriter/friend Quinn Fallon on writing songs based on things I say in bars (co-starring a can of Natty Lite) … YouTube 1:33 click here


Today’s featured blog post …

“To hell with ethics, eat at this Irish pub” (from ’11)

The assembled journalists were asking pointed business questions of our hosts at Claddagh Irish Pub at the South Side Works in Pittsburgh. “How do you plan to use the new Fall menu to drive sales?” “How satisfied are you with current market penetration?” Because I wanted to look like I fit in I figured I’d better ask a question, too, or risk collegial embarrassment. My question: “Can somebody bring me another free beer?” Yes! Yes! Yes!

(read full story right here)


Weekend book signing/Meet the author …

Join me Saturday for Soup’s On in Ligonier. I’ll be at Second Chapter Books, 139 E. Main St., from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Will there be social distancing? You betcha. In fact, if I’m in Second Chapter, you’ll be way up ahead in chapter 5.

Related reading thought …

• Ignore the push to become a speed reader. Reading is something to savor. Tell advocates you have the same interest in learning speed reading as you do in practicing speed sex.


Oddly enough (stories from my story treasure chest) …

“Vintage baseball: Taking them out to the old, old ballgame”

On Tuesday, Major League baseball’s All Stars will jet into Phoenix to play the old ballgame. But starting Friday, six teams from around the midwest will be barnstorming French Lick, Indiana, to play the old, old, old ball game. It’s baseball from circa 1864. No mound. No designated hitter. No lights. No radar guns. No Myley Cyrus blaring from the loudspeakers. Is this heaven? Nope, it’s the pastoral grounds of the French Lick Resort.

Read full story here ...


Concluding words …

I just spent the last 30 minutes recollecting the five people who’ve had the greatest influence on the most impactful decisions of my life. I’m dumbfounded to realize four of the five were bartenders. It’s all starting to make sense …


All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com


If you’ve read this far …

Then it must have brightened your day. I hope you’ll consider brightening mine by buying a $50/year subscription (that means this post just cost you a nickel). Please consider supporting me with some tangible appreciation (PayPal, Venmo, 874 Solomon Temple Rd., Latrobe, Pa, 15650).

Or share! Share! Share!

Share

Shoes by Beckett Simonon

Socks by Southern Scholar