Reader Letter of the Week …
“Just read your Crayons letter referring to the conservative friend who questioned your patriotism. I lean towards conservative views myself at times, but I found your response utterly perfect. LMAO”
Joe Z., Chillicothe, Ohio, in response to this blog post.
Tweet I deemed too racy to post on Facebook, but am perfectly fine with posting here …
• “The male erection is the ultimate re-gift. Give any man an erection and his impulse is to give it right back.”
The story David Letterman says is the best story he’s ever heard and the one I watch whenever I need cheering up. It’s Jay Thomas and his “Lone Ranger” story … (Click here).
Daily Instagram "crayons!" video tip!
Today’s (sorta) theme: Road Trip!
Colorful Living Tip of the Day …
• The great thing about taking the scenic route isn't just that it's scenic. It's that if you take the scenic route often enough you somehow in the eyes of others become the scenic route.
Relateds …
• I’d take high road more often but I always get hassled by cops whenever they see a car as crappy as mine in nice neighborhoods.
• If you were following yourself in a car how many times a day would you give yourself the finger?
• Get lost in an unfamiliar neighborhood. Admire the homes, the landscapes. Try to find a new restaurant to enjoy or a time-saving shortcut to beat the traffic.
• If you see someone driving with their right turn signal endlessly blinking, pull alongside them and “signal” the inadvertent error by vigorously blinking your right eye until they recognize the error. Do this without wrecking your vehicle into theirs … or anyone else’s.
Unrelated
• I wonder if other owls roll their eyes whenever they hear a "wise" guy owl describe some other as a "real hoot.”
• How much money one earns is among the most inefficient ways to keep score in life. It's a pity it's so damn easy for all the scorekeepers.
• Because it would challenge sedentary thinkers, I think Nome should be spelled Gnome and Alaska should be spelled Galaska.
• Live each day as if it's your last. By that I mean, daily re-write your will to screw relatives who've recently been most mean to you.
• I wish it was a seafaring tradition that anyone who is called "Skipper" actually moved from place to place by skipping.
• Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual dictionary) …
Splashock:The terrifying realization that the person who’d showered previous to you forgot to restore the faucet to necessary tub dispensing.
Related blog post, “Road Trip ’08; mile 287 …
It was right about Breezewood on the Pennsylvania Turnpike that it dawned on me that my youngest daughter was destined to be either an umpire or an opera singer. She’s the loudest kid on the planet. Her wail sounds like one of those two-toned Cadillac car horns. I’ve heard Hollywood screen sirens capable of impressive screams, but I’ve never seen or heard anyone who can scream uninterrupted for 30 breathless seconds in two different octaves.
Concluding thought …
• I'd like to see them take all the statues of canceled historic figures (Lee, Paterno, ect.) And put 'em all on a really, really big chess board in some national park and let MAGAs vs progs compete and learn ways to constructively deal with all our withering animosities.