"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter No. 83

Today's theme ... "The Three Stooges"

Today’s theme: The Three Stooges

(I’ve been putting this one off ‘cause there never seemed to be a good time. I guess that means there’s never a bad one. So here’s a 23-tweet Stooge extravaganza)

• I’ll be addressing the Golf Heritage Society at their annual convention Friday in Pittsburgh What can they expect? Well, if it goes anything like Monday’s address to the Pennsylvania Library Association, they can count on a great time. “Can’t thank you enough,” said director Nicole H. “You did a phenomenal job - your talk on Fred Rogers was a boon to our conference. Your stories make a real difference in the world.” Want me to speak to your group on topics involving fun, decency and colorful living? I’m easy to reach and open for offers.

• Reader letter of the week:  “Thanks again for sending the 3-chapter  ‘preview’ to your new book. I absolutely loved it.  Many, many LOL moments. When I read your writing, I am constantly saying to myself: ‘That's hysterical, how did he think of that - brilliant!” I can't wait to read the rest of the story.  If you don't have multiple publishers fighting over the rights to publish this book, then it will confirm my suspicion that publishers are lower than whale poop.”

Eric R., Pittsburgh

• Can’t wait to read the first three chapters of “Evan & Elle?” Shoot me an e-mail and I’ll be happy to share.

• This week’s “Use All The Crayons!” colorful living tips This week's Instagram medley

• Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual dictionary) …

Parroty: The conditional cliches that emerge when nearly every coach and every player from every NFL team says, win or lose, the exact same thing.

• Stooge-related blog of the day: “Drawing cheer from the pain and suffering of vapid morons,” from ’14 … (click here)

• If you learn anything from watching “The Three Stooges,” it is to never say, “Here! Take mine!” whenever Moe asks for a hammer.

• Propose an investigation to determine if in the Three Stooges scripts when it called for Curly to laugh screenwriters actually spelled it out, "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.”

• Eating regular Oreos rather than Double Stuf Oreos is as pointless for people who want to be colorful as opting to watch movies featuring The Two Stooges.

• Wonder how different would rock and comedy histories be if instead of John of The Beatles, Yoko had fallen for Moe of The Stooges.

• Colorful Fun Fact: Through 220 shot films over three decades, “The Three Stooges” never once did a fart joke. Know what that means? The Stooges were a class act.

• Can you imagine how pharmaceutical stocks would have risen if the doctors had been prescribing Ritalin when the #3Stooges were lads?

• The Stooges are to comedy what porn is to drama: it's still satisfying even when the plot's a little thin.

• I used to think I had a brain but it was all in my head.

• The only time it’s proper to say someone’s been “jarred” awake is when Moe does it to Curly and it involves an actual jar.

• Airing anti-depressant drug ads during a Three Stooges marathon seems like a gross misapplication of marketing funds.

• Anyone care to guess the identity of the favorite Stooge the girl Billy Idol sings about in "Rebel Yell?" That's right. It's “Moe! Moe! Moe!”

• Watching Three Stooges short featuring the boys playing with a monkey. If Homer Simpson cameos it will be a comic collision of historic proportions.

• Tomorrow is Father's Day, the one day of the year when my daughters don't instinctively treat me like Moe treats Curly.

• If they’d have lived during Roman times, Augustus Caesar would have referred to Moe, Larry and Curly in Latin as “Tribus Stooges”

• I’m becoming convinced the greatest faith isn't the belief in God. The greatest faith is when Curly yells, "Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry! Help! Help!" and believes the situation will actually improve.

• A mohawk is a colorful hairdo. A Moe Hawk is an irrationally angry bird that inflicts slapstick violence on a Curley Hawk or Larry Hawk.

• In the near future, brain transplants will be elective surgery. What kind of new brain would you like? More appreciative of art? More scientifically inclined? Me, I'd like one that doesn't become immobilized when it becomes aware there's a Three Stooges marathon on

• Another great thing about watching The Stooges: takes mere seconds to say what happened anytime someone walks in & asks, “So, what’ve I missed?”

• Tennessee friend of mine said he saw a vanity plate that read, “NYUK X3.” Said it took him a few seconds to get it. Me, too.

• It’s an historical irony that if one or the other ever needed a stunt double, Hitler and Moe Howard would have had to call one another.

• Through all his enraged violence against Larry, Curly and Shemp, Moe Howard never once went for the groin shot. Know what that means to me? Moe was at heart a gentleman.

• Here’s how much my wife respects my intellect: she just asked me who was the last Stooge to die (It was Joe DeRita, but purists say it was Moe in ‘75).

• I may not be the world's best father but I never said, “I have a good idea! Let’s let The Stooges babysit the kids!”

• Author’s note …

I’m tinkering with the layout to shed some of the stuff people seem to skip over. If you think some of the changes reduce the chances you’ll read every word, please let me know. I welcome your input.

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All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com