"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter No. 49

Today's theme ... "Planet Earth"

Reader Letter of the Week:

“I can’t tell you just how much I loved “The Undaunted Optimist.” Parts if it are hilarious, parts insightful and it overall leaves readers with the impression that we’re getting some hard-earned wisdom from a guy who’s lived a joyful and original life. If it were up to me, you'd be one of the best-selling authors of all time.  Unfortunately, my opinion doesn't sell books. How cool would it be if my opinion did sell books?!?!?

Eric R, Peters Twp.


Today’s theme:

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

• How come we're Earthlings instead of Earthians, ala Martians. I know of no equivalent. No Pittsburgherlings. No Frenchlings. Earthling sounds like the name for a captivity-bred panda.

Planet Earth

• It may not be in our lifetimes, but at some point some high school band is going to road trip to the moon. And the number of hoagies they’re going to have to sell will be astronomical..

• It doesn't surprise me when scientists say Earth's been rotating for 4.53 billion years. What surprises me is it's never started to squeak.

• I finally figured out why Earth is such a mess: It's bi-polar!

• NASA deserves ridicule for saying there are 8.8 billion Earth-like planets. Wrong! None of them have Trump!

• I wonder if more men would be more sympathetic about climate change if scientists started calling shrinking polar caps "Earth's bald spot.”

• Global warming will ease when scientists divine a way to get the earth to rotate, not around the poles, but in a rotisserie fashion.


Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual  dictionary) …

Poperazzi: A Vatican City-based news reporter devoted to coverage of all papal doings.


Related blog post, “Stuff I’ll do if I become the Last Man on Earth” (from ’20)

I was wondering what I’d do if things take a bad turn and I wind up being the last man on earth, which was the premise of an often-hilarious Will Forte show (2015-’18, Fox) called, duh, “Last Man on Earth. ”That’s how it feels some days. I miss both the refined and the rabble. Here’s what I’d do assuming certain logistics left the joint reasonably functional and I become LMOE. It’d be petty and makes zero sense, I know, but the first thing I’m going to do is go around peeling Trump bumper stickers off all the cars.

(Full story here)


From Back a-Ways …

“An apology, FEMA & true Acts of God,”

Coastal storm clean-up begins in earnest today. That’s when multi-millionaire homeowners who preach Tea Party self-sufficiency beseech FEMA for immediate aid. I posted that yesterday on both Twitter and Facebook to more than two dozen supportive salutes. Then, speaking of FEMA, disaster struck. A dear old friend of mine sent me a note saying I’d hurt her feelings. And, honest, to me that is a disaster…

(Full story here)


Concluding words …

• I always chuckle at the inaccuracy when I hear people say the world can be cruel. Sillies, the Earth is inanimate and does not have emotions so Earth is never cruel. Earth is indifferent. Now Earthlings …


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All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com