"Use All The Crayons!" newsletter No. 46

Today's theme ... "Smoke"

Today’s theme: Smoke

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

Point out how in a world that made perfect sense the saying would be, “Where there’s smoke — there’s a cigar. And a glass of quality bourbon.”

New blog post! “Seeking a flame in a world that’s on fire”

The stranger had an air of wanton desperation about him. He couldn’t find a match. He looked about 50, trim, well-dressed, appeared prosperous. You’d think a guy like that could find a good match. Twenty minutes later he asked again: Did I know where he could find a match? “Well, I’m married,” I said, “but the girl cleaning up at the snack bar has a nice smile and I think she’s single. She might make a good match.”

(Full story here)


• Marijuana smokers who succumb to repeated bouts of the munchies are apt to get pot bellies.

• All you need to know about man is 1st match was invented in 1836; 1st smoke detector, 1956. Don't even get me started on birth control.

• Hope you’re on jury duty the day a group of accused arsonists respond with the musical plea, “We didn’t start the fire! It was always burnin’ …”

• Daughter, 13, just texted me she is bored spending time at grandpa's. I advised her to set something on fire.

• Each time you change the batteries in the smoke alarms, hold a mandatory family fire drill. For real. Plan what everyone needs to do in the event of a fire. Changing the batteries only ensures everyone will know when it’s time to panic.

(Un)Related(s) …

• When Kris Kristofferson sings about Bobby McGee, it's about a woman. When Janis does, it's a dude. Question: Is Bobby McGee a hermaphrodite?

• Nostradamus used his visionary mind to predict the future. A seer who does the same thing using only a keen sense of smell is Nostrildamus. 

• The greatest lie we tell ourselves and one another is, “Hate to say I told you so, but ...” Saying, “I told you so,” is one of life’s greatest joys.

Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual  dictionary) …

Sortagree: How the majority of rational fence-sitting Americans feel if they’re asked to decide “Agree” or “Disagree” on any divisive issue.

Related blog post, “World’s biggest ash” (from ’12)

It was already three inches long and still growing when I called Val out on the porch to give it a good long look. “Are you not impressed, babe?” She just stared. Her incredulous face meant it was time for the next step. “Get the kids! They gotta see this! And bring the camera!” I was in the midst of growing the world’s longest cigar ash and wanted witnesses.

(Full story here)

Now & Then …

Now: Courtney Love rips new Pam Anderson flick

Then: I was in rehab with Courtney Love in ‘96

I still think of Courtney Love any time I’m doing a puzzle. I was doing one when we met. It was July 1996 and I tell the story now because I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations for my crimes that day have expired.  She’d been ordered to seek help there by producers of  “The People vs. Larry Flynt.” She was addicted to heroin and her drug-addled antics were disrupting the film. I’d been ordered there because I was at the time freelancing for National Enquirer and I was the nearest reliable nut-job who had a chance of getting the story..

(Full story here)

RIP Pittsburgh native Charles Grodin, 86. Loved you in “Dave,” Woman in Red,” and especially “Midnight Run.” I love this train scene with co-star Robert DeNiro.

Concluding words (& Tweet of the Week!) …

I advise everyone to dream big. Outlandish, colossal, preposterous big. Not because big dreams will all come true. Dream big because with big dreams even the falls are more fun.

A friend of mine said he’s starting to feel guilty about enjoying this newsletter for free. I thought about it before saying, “Good! You should feel guilty! I put a lot of thought into making this entertaining. If it makes you smile then you should return the favor.”

Ease your guilt! Subscribe or donate … (PayPal, Venmo, 874 Solomon Temple Rd., Latrobe, Pa, 15650).

All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com