Today’s theme: “Christmas Party”
Office party blog post, ’13 — “Office party butt scanning”
Office party blog post ’12 — “You’re all invited to my office party”
One of my most popular stories: “A heartwarming tale of Christmas woe”
Sunday book signing!
Want to ensure I won't try and weasel out of your holiday book signing? Refer to me as "the genius" in promotional posts. So, of course, I'm looking forward to signing books Sunday, 11 to 5 at Kingsman's Billiards in Westmoreland Mall. That gives the genius two more days days to find socks that match!
• Christmas conversation …
• In striving to be all inclusive and non-confrontational during the War on Christmas I will henceforth wish people a Happy ALLidays. I want people of ALL beliefs to enjoy ALL holidays. Happy ALLidays!
• Question for the ages: Am I a pig because I eat too much Christmas ham or does eating too much Christmas ham make me a pig?
• Conservative whites who become livid when wished Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas think blacks over-reacting about unarmed blacks getting murdered by conservative whites.
• Do you remember when your biggest concern was that some minimum wage grocery store clerk would benignly wish you Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas? Ah, the good ol' days …
• The Christmas season inspires so many questions: Was the virgin birth real? Is Jesus the true son of God? Will there ever be peace on Earth? I have a question: How did Charlie Brown ever get that sweater over his huge bulbous head?
Nothing to do with today’s theme …
• I wonder if the chariots from ancient Roman times had drink holders. Or maybe they'd yet to invent the sized lid/straw combo ...
• Just saw "Bohemian Rhapsody." My thoughts: If all the popcorn spilled at all the theaters every day in America were gathered and distributed to starving people around the world then starving people around the world would get mighty sick of popcorn.
• The greatest public misnomer involves announcers addressing crowds at things like NFL games as "Ladies and gentlemen." At any game of about 60,000 fans, there are probably no more than 120 ladies and 50 true gents. If they cared at all about accuracy, they'd say, "Welcome bitches, dudes and garden variety blowhards!"
• It could be damaging to a woman's reputation if she gets off on too many tangents with too many tan gents.
• Scientists say earth is 4.543 billion years old. Wikipedia says "Catwoman" actress Eartha Kitt died in 2008 at the age of 81.
• I used to pretend I was too sick to go to school. Now, I pretend I'm not hungover nights after I swore to wife I wouldn't drink too much.