Reader letter of the week!
“I can’t tell you how much I’m enjoying your witty ‘Crayons!’ book. You are a wise and colorful man.”
Susan B., Peoria, Ill.
Note: Thank you! Wise & colorful, eh? I’m still striving for solvent …
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com
Today’s theme: Mom
Colorful Living Tip of the Day …
• Convince friends that in the future childbirth will be done using the “Star Trek” technology to "beam" babies from wombs straight to mama's arms.
Related …
• Did your Mom ever write your name on your undershirt tag? She was years ahead of her time. Mom: inventor of the original Collar ID!
• Surprised to learn Yoko Ono is the same age -- 83 -- as my Mom. Mom isn't perfect, but at least she never broke up The Beatles.
• The idea of a stairway to heaven is ingrained in our collective psyche, but if there isn't an escalator, geez, most of our Moms ain't gonna make it.
• Mother Teresa came from a large family with three sisters, all of whom had large families themselves. Q: Did her nieces/nephews call her Aunt Mother Teresa? Aunt Teresa?
• If I were a geologist, I'd become famous by writing a scholarly paper declaring precisely when Mother Nature lost her virginity and describing in detail all the earthly consequences.
• Because we're all under some pressure to balance the language and be more even handed, I intend to spend the day thinking of whom I can accurately describe as a "daughter of a bitch." Then I'm going to start working on a book I'll call "Famous Sons of Famous Bitches!”
Random & Unrelated (Bonus!) …
• This may sound inconceivable but one day, guaranteed, there will be a McDonald's at the North Pole.
• Amazing new shampoo promises to re-grow hair on bald heads. What happens when you pour some on your palms?
• Teaching a kid to swim by throwing them in the water is like teaching them to fly by throwing them out of an airplane.
Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into an actual dictionary) …
Fauxksiness: The contrived characteristic displayed by a man or woman, usually one with a political bent, determined to appear in synch with the popular feelings common folk.
Related blog post …
“RIP Mom: Why feeling sad is so elusive (from ‘17)
I woke up Saturday for the first time in my life without either a Mommy or a Daddy. I remember thinking I was glad I paid attention when they were teaching me how to tie my shoes. Mom, 84, died peacefully Friday morning at 8:05. I’d like to thank all those who prayed she’d overcome all her deadly ailments. I’d especially like to thank those who prayed she wouldn’t.
“Listening to Classic Rock w/ senile Mom (from ’13)
If there were the slightest commercial incentive to doing so, I’d rename this blog, “Doing Stuff with My Mom.” Spending time with her offers more lively blog fodder than a week’s worth of offbeat news. We were together most of the weekend. I usually see her about once a week for an hour or so when I go to drop off groceries and pay her bills. She’s still capable of taking care of herself and is mostly a very cheerful senior citizen. Who cares if she thinks it’s 2004 and Josh Groban was a Beatle?
Oddly enough …
“The Professional: America’s Greatest Bank Robber (March ’05)”
Reader comment: “Your article about the Greatest Bank Robber is one of the most compelling and intriguing articles I’ve ever read.”
Jeff P., Ligonier, Pa.
Note: Thank you!
The robber worked as he lived, all alone. Three days and two nights spent bivouacked in the chilly southeastern Pennsylvania woods dutifully staring at the small bank had built to this moment. He pushes the wristwatch display button to illuminate the time in the twilight. It’s 6:47 p.m. on January 24, 1997. In 13 minutes, the PNC Bank branch in Lima, Pennsylvania, will be closing. Inside, branch manager Dawn Bressler and her tellers are glancing at the time, too. Work weary customers are cashing paychecks and, T.G.I.F., distractedly daydreaming of weekends of relaxation and revelry. Those dreams are about to ghoulishly morph into nightmares. The Friday Night Bank Robber is about to go to work.
(See full story here)
Concluding words …
• Understand how a good, warm bath is about as close to returning to the womb as we can get without inconveniencing Mom.
Please consider supporting me with some tangible appreciation (PayPal, Venmo, 874 Solomon Temple Rd., Latrobe, Pa, 15650).
Or share! Share! Share!