"Use All The Crayons!" No. 17

Today's theme ... (Super Bowl) Party

Today’s theme:

(Super Bowl) Party

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

233: In honor of preposterous NFL Super Bowl custom, convey any numeric information in Roman numerals. For instance: my phone number is DCCXXIV CMLXI MMDLVIII. Call me!

Random related …

• Super Bowl prediction: Tampa 64, Kansas City 16. Not the score. That's my prediction of the high temps in each town at kickoff.

•Argue the NFL should next year skip halftime shows and instead partner with a big drug company to issue every American hallucinogenic pills that last precisely 32 minutes.

• The cumulative weight of the '78 Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers starting offensive line was 1,277 pounds. The five starters in those same positions today weigh 1,804 pounds. Somewhere in this calculation is a solution to world hunger.

For the Brady haters, a trip down Memory Lane …

• As a fan of irony, I'd like to see Roger Goodell announce a face-saving compromise and Brady be so happy he hugs him till his balls deflate.

• When Jesus said we need to stop hating everyone, he wasn't including Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, was he? No way, right?


• I was 50 years old before it finally began to sink in that, “Gee, I was drunk,” wouldn't cut it as an excuse for showing up in church without pants.

• Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride. How come something collectively referred to as "The Seven Deadly Sins" simultaneously check all the boxes for one really lively party.

• People say I repeat myself when I'm drunk. People say I repeat myself when I'm drunk.

Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into a dictionary) …

Comatoes: The act of one’s foot falling asleep, uncommonly known as the medical condition, parasthesia.

Spotlight video …

This woman, one of about 100 people at the Ohio County Public Library in Wheeling, WV, begins her garbled comment saying her husband, a TV reporter, had great disdain for tabloid reporters like I once was. Then when the mic finally picks up her voice she offers the sweetest compliment. I love the crowd reaction. Click here.

Today’s Feature Post

“10 Ways to make Super Bowl less depressing (from ’15)

After what was the most depressing Super Bowl I can remember, I woke up today thinking something I’ve never thought before. Thank God it’s Monday! It was mostly the commercials, but that wasn’t all. I think people are trying to turn Super Bowl Sunday into a national holiday — and I’m all for that — but they don’t know what a Super Bowl Sunday holiday is supposed to be about. Should it be about communal messages? Family togetherness? Moral thoughtfulness? No, it should be about football!

Many organizations and advertisers have forgotten this. At the top of this list is the National Football League. They seem to think the only way to make football bigger is to make football less about football. It’s why every 10 minutes or so I found myself staring at the TV mouthing WTF? Worse, commercials and the overall tone of the day made me sad. Good Friday is more cheerful. On Good Friday at least we know we’re in for the kind of comeback that won’t infuriate half the nation’s sports fans.

Read extended version here

Related posts … 

Super Bowl holiday? Make fan losers work for winners

Jump hugs with dangerous drunks

Black men can’t kick

Super Bowl ’10 recap

(Upcoming themes include “Crime,” “The Sexes,” “Beard,” and “Monkey.”)

Oddly enough (stories from my story treasure chest) …

Lost ’n’ founds of the rich & famous (from ’10)

Your name is Tim McCauley. You are the owner of The Breezewood Motel in Breezewood, Pennsylvania. Describe your lost and found and what’s in it.

“Well, we don’t really have a lost and found. I just keep the stuff we find here behind the counter. There’s a couple pillows, some scarfs, some gloves and a New York Yankee ball cap.”

His name is Arthur Birmelin. He is the director of security at The Breakers in Palm Beach, Florida. The lost and found at the fabled resort is the size of a two-car garage and contains contents similar in substance to what’s secured at Fort Knox.

“There are expensive bracelets, Rolex watches and diamond earrings worth more than $10,000,” says Birmelin.

Mere baubles compared to some of the items distracted well-to-do guests have left behind at one of America’s premier resorts.

Read full story here

All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com

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