"Use All The Crayons!" No. 20

Today's theme ... "Fat Tuesday/Lent"

Today’s theme: Fat Tuesday/Lent

Colorful Living Tip of the Day …

• If you're livin' in New Orleans and yer nickname ain't "Fats" then you really ain’t livin’


Fat Tuesday …

• If the decision were up to them, where would the people who know you best send your everlasting soul: heaven or hell? I hope mine would compromise. New Orleans!

• Often the things we most want are the things that’ll kill us the quickest if we were given unrestricted access to them.

• Woke up bolt upright with a terrifying premonition I'd suffer viral and pantsless humiliation should I ever return to New Orleans. Don't care. I'll go back in a heartbeat.

Something(s) fishy 

• Consider originating a trendy food truck that relies on really seasoned vegetable oils for Lenten fish specials. Call it "Ancient Grease.”

 • A swim meet is an aquatic competition. A swim meat is an edible fish.

• I wonder how many times pretentious erotic film makers have re-done porno "Moby Dick" just to use the line, "Thar she blows!”

Random Stones ref. (just ‘cause it includes ‘Tuesday’) …

• News report says New Delhi discount days failing to drive sales the way experts predicted. Know what that means? Goodbye rupee Tuesday!

Reader letter of the week …

“I can’t tell you how much I’m enjoying your “Undaunted Optimist.” I just read the chapter, “Daughter, 7, declares Bible says I must love the dog.” I laughed so hard there were tears running down my face. I haven’t laughed that hard in years!” Charlotte P., Greensburg

Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into a dictionary) …

Parroty: The conditional cliches that emerge when nearly every coach and every player from every NFL team says, win or lose, the exact same thing.

Today’s Feature Post

“Lavish lunches & the choosy beggar (from ’17)

Val’s announcement that she’d scored a Groupon for lunch Sunday at the Hofbräuhaus on Pittsburgh’s South Side drew a surprising rebuke from our 10-year-old. “Pittsburgh is too far to go for lunch,” she bitched. She is mistaken. Pittsburgh is not too far to go for lunch. Neither is New Orleans. I went there for lunch in 1999. It lasted 10 days. Paschal’s Manale is a delightful little bistro tucked away on Napoleon Avenue. They’re famous for what they call a barbecue shrimp that to me should be called grilled shrimp in spicy barbecue sauce. Served with a Joel Gott Sauvignon Blanc (preferably ’97), it’s the perfect lunch. I was ostensibly there on assignment to cover an entertainment industry convention. It was for Details magazine which fool-heartedly had bestowed me with a limitless expense account.

Read extended version here

Related silliness … 

Lenten Fridays always have me fearing we’ll run out of fish

Teach fish to eat oil

New Orleans should host every Super Bowl

Oddly enough (stories from my story treasure chest) …

Story of the blind alligator wrestler

Of all the lessons culled from an unintentionally educational jaunt through the Everglades, one noteworthy nugget remains attached to my brain with barnacle-like tenacity: Never, ever party with Gator Man. Refuse his offers of rum, jungle juice and swamp swill. Don not be tempted by his tanned hospitality, his warm and chummy come-ons. Accept and the best — the very best — that can come from the encounter is you wake up with a pounding skull and a nauseous stomach. Drink with Gator Man — any gator man — and the consequences could be a loss of a finger, a hand, a limb and rivers of swamp-tainting blood.

Read full story here

Final thought …

Cynics who do nothing but predict doom and gloom are misfortune tellers.

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All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com