"Use All The Crayons!" No. 22

Today's theme ... "Bears"

Today’s theme:

Bears (featuring new blog post about the bear that chose to hibernate in an outhouse pit and the Alaskan woman whose butt he bit)

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Colorful Living Tip of the Day (non-bear)…

• While acknowledging the usefulness of mood rings, predict interpersonal relations will dramatically improve when men and women have mood noses..


(Sorta) Related …

• It reveals an unpleasant cruelty about myself, but I enjoy looking at pictures of tranquilized bears falling out of trees.

• Unforeseen climate change consequence is polar bears will soon need row boats. I predict adaptation’s going to be toughest on row boat salespeople.

• Because it would challenge sedentary thinkers, I think Nome should be spelled Gnome and Alaska should be spelled Galaska.


Scattered randoms …

• Live each day as if it's your last. By that I mean, daily re-write your will to screw relatives who've recently been most mean to you.

• Suggest to friends how it ought to be a seafaring tradition that anyone who is called "Skipper" ought to be required ti move from place to place by actually skipping (salute to Cap’n Snyder!)

• Suggest you’ve discovered a solution to global warming and that everyone on the planet must each day from noon to 12:15 keep their refrigerator doors wide open.


This week’s video …

Greater Latrobe High School career day organizers asked me to submit a 10-minute video describing what it’s like to be a rich and famous author. Instead, I chose to be honest. Here’s the video result.


Zeitgust Word of the Week (a word I made up with the goal of getting it into a dictionary) …

Glibberish: Pointless party chatter between two people who’d rather be talking to anyone else.


Today’s blog post: “The story of the outhouse hibernating bear that bit the woman on her Alaskan ass” …

I felt a visceral surge of commiseration when I read an Alaska woman was bit from below as she sat pants-down on the seat of her Arctic outhouse. A neighborhood bear had been hibernating in the pit. The woman, Shannon Stevens, said, “I got out there and sat down on the toilet and immediately something bit my butt.” Surprise! I’ve had days like that — and I’m talking from the bear’s POV. You go to great lengths to secure solitude and then a stranger with crappy intentions drops in from out of the blue.

Read extended version here


Oddly enough (stories from my story treasure chest) …

Sexy postcards take longer to get delivered than scenic ones

I find myself seeking odd reasons to run to the post office to spend money, as if my meager purchase of $8.80 worth of Homer Simpson stamps is going to save the 236-year-old institution that is hemorrhaging $10 billion a year. That’s how on August 19 I found myself in the Latrobe, Pennsylvania, post office filling out forms and paying big postal bucks to send a 2-pound, 5-ounce, pile of Arnold Palmer Kingdom golf magazines and a book to Brazil.

Read full story here ...


Final thought …

I wonder if in the annals of mob history a man named Stone was ever asked to kill two men named Byrd.


All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com


Seeking sponsors …

An enthusiastic reader asked if I accepted donations. Accept them? I wholeheartedly encourage them. The defining characteristic of my life is an inability to get people to pay for work they praise. If you’re reading this, I consider you one of my core readers. My hope is you’re enjoying this enough to encourage friends to subscribe ($5 a month/$50 a year). Tell them you’ll pay half. And if you have the disposable income, please consider supporting me with some tangible appreciation. Remember, this may take you just 90 seconds to read, but it’s taken me 10 years to write …


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