"Use All The Crayons!" ... Theme: "Sun"
Still haven’t checked out my “Use All The Crayons!” podcast? Why not start at the beginning? Here’s episode No. 1. The show is getting great reaction and we’re putting together season two set to debut in mid-September.
I have written about 70,000 of the 80,000 words required by contract from Rowman & Littlefield. The contract has been a point of contention with me primarily because they at this time have no intention of releasing the book as a book. They want to “print” only e-books. That deprives me of one of the more lucrative aspects of the meager stipend earnings I make by selling actual books to actual readers. I think this will end with me stubbornly refusing to comply with their order and you being subject to another predictable round of my bitching about being broke.
Re-run …
“I was flattered to be selected as Latrobe Bulletin Readers “Favorite Local Author.” Here’s the letter to the editor I wrote acknowledging the honor. It is a true honor because in a town this size, they’re not going to give you any praise if you’re an asshole. So it’s today Latrobe, tomorrow, er … Hunker!
Today’s theme … Sun!
• I think one of the problems of combatting Climate Change is our focus on global warming. Yes, the earth is too hot, but the sun is way, way hotter. I propose we fight global warming with solar cooling. How much ice would we need to dump on the sun to lower it, say, 5 degrees?
• Foot Facts — The average person takes between 8,000- and 10,000 steps a day. That adds up to 115,000 miles in a lifetime — four times the circumference of the globe. Question: if for one day we all together walked toward the rising sun, could we reverse time?
• Family opted to sleep in on last day of beach vacation rather than get up early to see sun rise. I can't blame them. Popularity of watching sun rise will increase when it doesn't involve getting up at the crack of dawn.
• It may be a vast over-simplication, but couldn’t global warming be eased if we simply moved Earth farther from the sun? I think if we synchronized our pushups on one side of the globe while everyone on the other side jumped up in the air …
• Which is older: Earth or Sun? Trick question: Earth is 4.5 bil yrs old. Sun only 1 day old. Sun cannot have another day til it has a night.
• One unforeseen consequence of global warming will be the demise of the jolly weatherman/woman. Catastrophic weather is becoming too common place to permit 12-minute chucklefests involving Aunt Minnie and her rutabaga that looks like Abe Lincoln.
• It’s hot out. We crank the AC. Cranking AC contributes to global warming so it gets even hotter out. So we crank up the AC. And together we dance merrily to our dooms.
RANDOMS …
• Proving once again I'm unworthy of staying in nice places, I spent 2 minutes jumping up and down on a stationary disc trying to get it to register my weight before I realized I was jumping up and down on the roomba.
• ”He speaketh with forked tongue," was once one of the most stinging insults a native American could utter against the White Man. It meant he was a liar, incapable of telling the truth. What does that make me? I confess to fibbing, to shading the truth, to sometimes embroidering fact with fancy. I speaketh with sporked tongue.
• Damsels lead lives of constant peril. Damsels are always in distress. Just once I'd like see a damsel in, say, a laundromat.
• The best diagnostic proctologists are crack investigators.
Thanks to those of you who recently showed your support by sending cash or the equivalent to me at PayPal, Venmo, 874 Solomon Temple Rd., Latrobe, Pa, 15650).
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com