"Use All The Crayons!" ... TV!
Here’s a 1:37 YouTuber of me discussing signing the contract for my next book, “The Art of Living Suddenly: How to Deal with a Parkinson’s Diagnosis (& other things that suck).”
It’s Day 2 of our Outer Banks vacation and I’ve yet to do any banking. We love it here. We stay at a friend’s house near enough to the beach. It’s comfortable, but it includes guest challenges like how to operate the TV, which used to be called the Idiot Box. Now it takes a genius to turn it on. There are five remotes for the one TV. When we finally achieved a picture I felt like those folks in Mission Control feel when the astronauts announce they’ve safely landed on the surface of the moon.
I guess I’ll always be a hotel/resort guy. I enjoy being in someone’s Outer Banks vacation home with my family, but there will always be a part of me who’d like to spend hotel time with, say, Elizabeth Banks.
So, because even on vacation the TV is pivotal to our existence, and to show solidarity with our striking Hollywood brethren, today’s theme is …
TV!
• I figure I'm about 18 months and two advances in remote control technology before I become utterly incapable of being able to power up the TV and find channel 2 before I burst into tears and beg my sneering daughters for assistance.
• Most TV shows feature people I don’t like doing things I don’t care about arriving at plot conclusions that make me think the writers are distracted by opportunities to produce more pointless drivel about people I don’t like doing things I don’t …
• Because it could make for riveting TV, I hope to one day hear a talk host announce to a panel of windy blabbermouths, "A landmark study reveals conclusively that the fewer words a person says on TV talk shows the more likely that they're a bonafide genius. Discuss.”
• Had I known how deeply having children would cut into my TV viewing time, my Facebook profile would today feature pictures of our hamsters, Josie & Lucy.
• Long as changing channels is easier than changing minds, watching TV will always be preferable to FB philosophizing.
• If I've learned anything from watching TV today, it's to never taunt Moe when he has a 2-by-4 glued to his hands.
• I always feel like I'm really gettin' away with something when I watch a "Mature Audiences Only" program and the smart TV doesn't explode.
RANDOMS …
• Hearing people judge those who attend hurricane parties always cracks me up. This is Planet Earth 2023. Climate change, drought, injustice, partisan rancor -- and most of us remain by choice oblivious to it all. It's one big Hurricane Party and we're all standing in line while the dawdling bartender cuts citrus fruit garnish. Party on.
• The Metric System has been the dominant unit of measurement in England since about 1680. The Who are an English rock band formed in 1964. Pete Townsend wrote the hit single "I Can See for Miles" in 1966, one year before setting foot in the USA. Question: In the 1st draft of the song, did Townsend try the lyric, "I Can See For Kilometers and Kilometers and Kilometers …"
• John Lennon was killed in 1980. George Harrison died in 2001. Paul McCartney is 80. Ringo Starr, 82. I'm not wishing any ill on either, but if the actuary tables are to be believed The Fab Four will one day soon have a heavenly reunion. I have to think there are already lines forming at the ticket windows.
• I drink too much. Laugh too loud. Lie to dodge tedious tasks. And at the end of another week when it could be argued my greatest achievement was not dunking the phone in the toilet, I forgive myself my sins. Indeed, I put the human in humanity.
• I was stuck at an interminable red light wondering about all the things that take so damn long. Things like waiting for the computer to boot up, TSA lines, and getting stuck on IT hold. Our busy lives are consumed by mini-eternities. Want to know something that goes by like lightning? Sixty years.
• Reuters headline reads "Russians attack Ukrainian cities during rush hour." They still have rush hour? Traffic on the 4s? Beep 'n' creep? If ever a situation called for suspension of rigorous work duties, I'd think "Sovereign Country invaded by Russian Army" would top the list.
All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com
Chris, FYI. England uses miles, not kilometers. I was surprised when I saw that last year while visiting the British Isles. My thought is it may have gained hold during WW II