Labor & Leisure

Here’s a terrific WaPo story about our collective insanity regarding hyper-lawn care. Fifteen years ago, mine was a lonely voice advocating relaxed lawn care regimens. Now, it’s a freakin’ movement … You’re welcome!

This is a ’16 blog about why we should change Labor Day to Leisure Day. It includes this passage when referring to actual labor, i.e. childbirth: “Labor is grueling for women who’re being coached by supportive spouses and friends. Some women have neither. My wife had it worst of all. She had me heckling her. It’s true. Not wanting her to lose her edge, I stood there, arms folded, saying things like, “Don’t you think you’re being just a tad over-dramatic?” And screaming, “Enough with all these damn theatrics! Push! Push! Push, you whore, you!”

Here’s me reading the poem about and to Doc Giffin.

Check out the 19/19 5-star ratings (not to mention the reviews) and order your copy of "Evan & Elle" today. And remember: Eternity is going to take a really long time. Be sure to pack a deck of cards!

Labor

• Ask friends if they think the females who work at the Elmer’s Glue factory refer themselves as Bond girls or if they think that would make them seem stuck up.

• Argue no one should be allowed to run for public office until they can prove they once held a job that required them to show up for work wearing a name tag.

• Workplace banter is to be encouraged, but you wouldn’t want to be a seamstress when the co-workers decide it’s time to needle one another.

• Tell friends you think being a Big Ben tour guide would be time consuming because all must work ’round the clock.

• Argue that the world’s greatest sales people must work for Spam. Think of the intrinsic hurdles they must overcome just to get calls/e-mails returned.

• When doing dreary everyday housework — dishes, changing diapers — keep a stopwatch handy and treat the chore like a NASCAR pit stop. Challenge your housemates to beat your time.

• Appreciate how ambitious tailors who work exclusively on three-piece suits have vested interests.

• I’m on the verge of proving once and for all my office plants are talking to one another. But every time I get close enough to record the conversation the bully ficus says, "Shut up! Here he comes again!" I'll not rest until I get conclusive evidence. Won't work either.

• Fashion experts who work to ensure ample bosoms fit snugly in frilly brassieres are rack-contours.

Leisure/Play

• We’re so used to them being linked in Biblical sinfulness but Sodom and Gomorrah were two wicked cities. They must have been fierce rivals. Imagine having to ref a high school football game between Sodom and Gomorrah. Talk about having to throw out the rule book.

• Otherwise great Chincoteague beach vacation marred only by incident initiated when kids asked if they could bury me in sand. Sure. I'm game. But when they had me completely immobilized, the little bastards stole my shoes & wallet. I should've known better. They weren't my kids.

• The greatest public misnomer involves announcers addressing crowds at things like NFL games as "Ladies and gentlemen." At any game of about 60,000 fans, there are probably no more than 120 ladies and 50 true gents. If they cared at all about accuracy, they'd say, "Welcome bitches, dudes and garden variety blowhards!”

• I’d like to see a rock game show with Mick & Bruce that asks, "Who can say, 'Are you ready to rock?'" in most foreign languages.

All Chris’s books can be purchased through www.ChrisRodell.com

"Use All The Crayons!"

"Labor/Leisure Day?" You pick ...